


MIRRORS

by star_stuff



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Parents, Angst, Bisexual Sirius Black, Canon Compliant, Enemies to Lovers, First though Seventh Year, Fluff and Angst, Hogwarts, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape Friendship, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Secret Relationship, Slash, Teenage Rebellion, teenage drug and alcohol use, very slow build, when friends are family, y'all saw the pairing-it gets real angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2020-12-28 03:03:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 35,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21129704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_stuff/pseuds/star_stuff
Summary: If the spark of the Universe had been a mirror, it would have burst into infinite pieces in order to see and know itself.  Some of these pieces' reflections are dynamic, wondrous, and deep.  Others, show us the contrasting sharp edge of every shard of glittering glass.





	1. FIRST YEAR - Part I

**Author's Note:**

> I'm late to the world of fanfic, but fell down this magical, sexy rabbit hole after being introduced to the fabulous podcast, Fangasm (formally Potterotica). Thank you so much to my friends in fandom who nerd out with me - especially [Marauder23](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marauder23/pseuds/Marauder23) for helping me dip my toes into the writing waters.
> 
> This story is shaped in a series of vignettes, told over the course of the seven years at Hogwarts that the Marauders, Severus Snape and Lily Evans attended.
> 
> Of course, all characters of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter belong to J.K Rowling.

“It’s not that far Sev, we’ll be back in time, I promise.” Lily smiled as she extended an open hand to Severus, a playful urgency in her voice. He took her warm palm and squeezed, letting out a tense breath as his feet picked up the familiar pace of following her lead. 

“It’ll be 7:30 soon, I really don’t think it’s such a good idea…” 

Lily shot her sister a knowing look.

“Then we best hurry. Stay here if you’d like, you can time us.” She tossed Petunia her watch, turned on her heel, and flew down the hill with Severus in tow.

They briskly walked along the creek that bubbled behind their houses until reaching a familiar old willow tree with a new addition. 

“I wonder who put it up?”

“Not sure, I’m just glad they did!” Lily released his hand and hopped onto the wooden seat with glee. Severus smiled gently as he gave her a starting push. The ropes creaked against their high branch as she flew above the flowing water. He laughed with her as she swung back and forth, the setting sun flecking her auburn hair with golds and oranges. The colors allowed him to take a deep, grounding breath.

“Your turn!” Lily offered him the now empty seat. Severus leaned back against her hands as she pushed him, feet dangling above the creek. He closed his eyes, relishing the free-falling feeling in his stomach and the lightness in his chest. Looking down at a giggling Lily, a bright smile in her emerald eyes, he felt a moment of bittersweet disbelief that she was real and he was her companion on this warm spring evening. He reached higher and higher, his toes grazing green leaves. At the apex of an up swing, Severus glanced at his watch.

7:28

His stomach dropped like a brick, smacking him out of the previous euphoria. The feet he could no longer feel raked across the loose gravel as he practically fell off the swing and into Lily.

“Lils, m-my father, he’ll be home, we’ve gotta...” Severus fumbled out, panic rising in the empty space his stomach had left.

“I’m so sorry Sev, I lost track…” She trailed off, an ache of empathy blooming in her heart as she watched her friend close in on himself. He was at least a head taller than her, but when he got like this his presence crumpled into a whisper.

“You’re going to make it.” The words rushed out as Lily grabbed Severus’ hand and raced back towards the hill. All she could see in her mind’s eye was his back screen door as a fire of determination spread through her and carried them along the water’s edge.

Severus was thankful Lily was pulling him, for he still could not feel his feet, only the anxiety in his chest. _The hill’s too far_, he thought as a new sensation began to prickle around him. It was magic; not his own or his mother’s, but warm and pressing in, cracking through the empty panic. The pressing grew, and while they were still running, the landscape around them seemed to pause and compress. In one shaky breath, the compression seemed to peak and they were at the top of the hill, clamoring up his back steps.

When he released Lily’s hand, the magic prickling quieted as he slipped inside, swiftly closing the door with a quick glance to his mother leaning against the sink.

“GodDAMNIT, Severus, what have I told you about slamming doors in my house!?” he heard his father sharply roar from the front room. His mother shivered minutely at the sound of the front door slamming shut and what Severus could only assume was his father’s briefcase hitting the foyer tile floor. He pulled in a shallow breath, looked up at the kitchen clock: 7:30. Out came an uneven, but triumphant sigh.  


**-**

“Well, I guess you made it, just in time.” Petunia greeted a flustered, out of breath Lily. Still buzzing from racing Severus home, Lily shook out her head and hands in an attempt to quell the tingling sensation. She wasn’t sure how they had gotten back in time, just that the alternative was not an option.

“Something might be wrong with your watch, though,” Petunia said as she handed it back to Lily. “Maybe it needs a new battery? It kind of stopped for a few minutes, like the hands were twitching? But then started moving again at 7:30.”

Lily smiled at her sister, although it did not reach her eyes, as they walked back to their house. She thumbed the smooth face of her watch, feeling the prickling in her fingertips simultaneously increase with the shame in her chest as she thought of Severus and how she had almost made him late.  


**-**

Muffled sounds of the television downstairs crept under Severus’ bedroom door. He turned over, the weight of his blankets reminding him of the compressing magic from earlier. In the quiet darkness of his room, he allowed himself to entertain the idea that had been tapping at the back of his mind since he looked at the kitchen clock: _Was that magic Lily’s?_

**\-----------**

KRACK

“Young Master, Mistress has been calling for over an hour, GET UP!” Kreacher screeched.

As his bedroom drapes were torn open by the insistent house elf, light peaked between Sirius Black’s raven hair strewn across his face. With a groan, he muttered, “Fine,” and threw a stray quaffle at Kreacher.

KRACK

Stretching out of bed, Sirius arched his feet on the floor and yawned into his hands. He absentmindedly chewed a hangnail as he picked around his disheveled room for clean-ish trousers and a t-shirt. A year ago he had forbidden Kreacher from cleaning his room - it was just a way for the house elf to snoop on behalf of his mother. Walburga had been furious when Sirius figured out a way to magically block the prying elf (with the help of her “borrowed” wand no less), but his father had been mildly impressed and thus allowed the block to stay in place. Who knew what would happen when Sirius left for Hogwarts; he’d probably come home to clean sheets and boobytraps in his sock drawer. 

Pulling a white v-neck over his head, Sirius bounded down the stairs, stopping momentarily to ruffle his younger brother’s hair on his way to the dining room. His mother was clearly already finished with breakfast, sipping her third tea of the morning - only half out of spite for Sirius’ tardiness. 

As he tucked into his eggs benedict, she said curtly, “This lack of respect for others time will not bode well when you are at Hogwarts, Son,” followed by a drawn out sip of tea.

“I haven’t even gotten my letter yet, _Mother_. Still a chance I won’t get to be fashionably late to any classes.” He winked and bit the corner of his buttered toast.

Walburga scoffed. “You’re a Black, of course you’ll get your letter. Although, I’m still unsure we made the best choice not seeking your placement at Durmstrang. Hogwarts professors can be a bit _soft_ when it comes to discipline and holding up pureblood standards.”

Heat prickled across the back of Sirius’ neck from ear to ear as he struggled to swallow his last mouthful. It was too early to get into a row with her about pureblood elitism, which would most certainly result in an exercise of her _hard_ beliefs about discipline. He settled for rolling his eyes and changing the subject, “What’s so pressing that I needed to be up early on a Saturday?”

“We’re picking up your school items in Diagon Alley.”

“Again, _Mother_, haven’t technically gotten in yet. No list, what books - ”

“Gaining early access to a first year’s supply list is simple, _dear_,” she snapped, “Professor Slughorn is an old friend of your father’s, he was happy to lend a hand. You will not jeopardize that connection, Sirius Orion. Salazar help me if I get a letter from him about your tardiness... ” Walburga drained her remaining tea.

KRACK

Kreacher began to clear the breakfast dishes as Sirius sat uncomfortably in his chair. He resented the expectation to suck up to a professor “friend-of-the-family” for special treatment he had neither earned nor asked for.

“Come on Regulus, time to go!” Walburga called as she stood and made her way towards the sitting room. “For heaven's sake, put on proper robes, Sirius. I will not allow you out in public in common muggle attire.”

Sirius briefly wondered if your eyes could get stuck at the back of your head from rolling them too often.

Back in his room, he grabbed a black wizarding robe from his closet floor, flung it on, and unceremoniously closed it with a silver Black Family Crest pin. He hated that pin, not to mention, why would his mother trust an 11 year old with family heirloom jewelry? He couldn’t find his snitch one however, so “TOUJOURS PUR” had to do. 

Regulus was fiddling with his matching crest pin at the bottom of the stairs. Sirius helped him straighten it, muttering under his breath, “The most noble and ancient house my arse…”

“Do you really not think you’ll get your letter?” Regulus asked, clear grey eyes looking up, mirroring his brother’s matching pair.

“Gonna miss me, huh?” Sirius chuckled a moment before the real fear he had about leaving crept in - Reg would be alone in that house. He heard the fire crackle in the sitting room, shook the thought from his mind, and hurried them in before his mother started shouting again.

“I bet you’ll get sorted into Slytherin,” Regulus whispered hopefully as he slipped his hand into his older brother’s. Sirius held it tight; floo wasn’t Reg’s favorite way to travel.

“Blacks have been sorted into Slytherin since the founding of Hogwarts. Your brother would never bring such disgrace upon our family by ending up in one of those riff raff houses.” Walburga stepped into the green flames and barked, “Gringotts!”

As the fire whisked her away, Sirius took a breath in the moment of reprieve. He looked down at his brother and smirked, “There’s still time. I alone could bring down the _Most_ Noble and _Most_ Ancient House of Black by getting sorted Hufflepuff.”


	2. FIRST YEAR - Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank Merlin, we're finally getting onto the Hogwarts grounds this chapter :)

The crisp cardstock felt smooth, heavy, and sharp. Severus traced the red Hogwarts seal for the upteenth time with the pads of his fingers - he had never received anything so perfect. The envelope didn’t stay closed anymore, the crease having been pressed flat from repeated openings.

_ **Dear Mr. Snape,** _

** _We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry…_ **

Severus pulled the supply list out with care, reading down the items with growing anticipation. Even shopping for school would be exciting. He rarely got to visit wizarding places, his father didn’t care for “that sort of _Nancy_ thing.”

List in hand, he walked into the living room and sank into the couch next to his mother. He turned down the daily soap opera and asked, “So, we’ll be going this weekend to pick up all my books and supplies?”

“Yes dear, does Sunday sound good? If you behave,” she smiled and scrunched her nose, “we’ll get ice cream at Florean Fortescue's at the end. He makes this marvelous butterbeer-scotch flavor, well, I hope he still does anyway…” Eileen’s eyes pulled just to the right of her son, reaching into a far memory.

Severus shifted uncomfortably, settling on his hands. “Yeah, that sounds great mum, really. I-I was hoping we could invite Lily to come along. I mean, this is all so new to her, and her parents aren’t magical, you know - “

His mother’s eyes quickly refocused on him with new intensity as her lips suddenly pursed. “I’m sure that Mr. and Mrs. Evans are perfectly capable of attaining school books for their daughter.”

Confusion clouding his courage, Severus moused, “I wasn’t suggesting they_ couldn’t, _just that it would be nice to bring my friend.”

Eileen reassuringly put a hand on his knee and said, “And she’s a lovely girl, but you’ll make better, pureblood wizard friends at Hogwarts.”

“She’s a wiz-witch too… Lils got a letter, same as me.”

“No, Severus, not the same as you. She’s muggle-born, and while it’s perfectly fine that those like her attend, you’d do best to choose friends from pureblood families, like mine. There’s true talent there, and you are going to be a brilliant wizard my son. I just want you to be surrounded by peers of a similar caliber. The relationships you forge at Hogwarts will lay the foundation for the opportunities you will have once you graduate.”

Her tone was supportive, but her words were breaking against his core. This wasn’t the first time his mother had expressed similar sentiments, just the first time she had cut into his Lily. 

“Sunday’s fine, mum.”

While his mind was still cemented to every word his mother just uttered, his feet had taken Severus back to his room. His hands were clammy and he had a mildly sick churning in his stomach of fresh guilt.

_“Does it matter that my parents aren’t wizards? I don’t know hardly anything about magic!” Lily’s question had come with one of the only shimmers of true self-doubt he had ever seen in her green eyes._

_The ink on that smooth cardstock reading “Miss Lily Evans” reflected the exact viridian color harboring her shaky vulnerability._

_ “Of course not, I’ll fill you in before we go.” He had reassured her after only a moment of hesitation. She hadn’t noticed that pause of betrayal to the lie in his words._

Severus’ throat tightened at the memory, refusing the clawing guilt from spilling over. His dark, heavy eyes stung with welling tears as he crushed the crisp supply list and threw it across the room.

**\-----------**

Severus stirred heavy cream into his porridge, enjoying the swirl it created. Two meals into his Hogwarts experience and he could scarcely believe the abundance. He reached for the brown sugar, paused, and decided on maple syrup instead.

Still taking in the grandeur and activity of the Great Hall, his eyes couldn’t help but settle on a red head of hair on the other side of the room.

_“Gryffindor!” The exclamation of the Sorting Hat’s seam had reverberated throughout the hall. Lily had given him a small half-smile as she slid off the stool and walked to the table of red and gold. While Severus had greatly hoped they would be sorted together, he knew deep down Lily wasn’t meant for Slytherin._

The sudden cacophony of owls above brought him back to the present. Letters and parcels peppered the house tables as his fellow students began to tear into words from home and items they had forgotten to pack. Severus had written his mother quickly last night after dinner, although he knew it would be a few days before he heard back from her. Owls were strictly forbidden at the house; she’d find a moment away this week to check her owl box in Diagon Alley. 

Suddenly, a rage-drenched voice filled the hall, vibrating through the crystals in the chandeliers. 

“SIRIUS ORION BLACK, HOW COULD YOU!?!” Severus’ eyes snapped back to Lily and now a dark haired boy sitting across from her.

“...TO DEGRADE AND HUMILIATE OUR FAMILY LIKE THIS! I WILL BE SPEAKING WITH HEADMASTER DUMBLEDORE AT ONCE…” The voice was pouring from a red envelope that the boy was furiously staring down.

“...THE LEGACY OF THE MOST ANCIENT HOUSE WASTED ON YOU-YOU MOST DISAPPOINTING VESTIGE OF OUR NOBLE...” Severus had recognized the “Black” surname last night from the pureblood family trees he and his mother used to pour over. He learned of family members he would never meet and ancestry he was technically connected to, yet felt he did not deserve.

“...UNGRATEFUL, IMPUDENT CHILD! MY FATHER AND HIS FATHER BEFORE HIM ARE SPINNING IN THEIR…” Sirius’ sorting into Gryffindor had surprised Severus, as well as many of his fellow Slytherins, it turned out. Those around him began to snicker with condescending under the breaths, “Well, she’s not wrong” and “Such a shame.” Severus’ whole body tightened as he turned his eyes down to his still magically hot porridge. While he was fairly certain his mother would never have sent him a screaming envelope, he still couldn't imagine facing her disappointment had he been sorted anything other than Slytherin. 

**-**

Across the hall, fury burned under Sirius’ skin as his mother’s voice filled every available space around him. In a burst of flame, it abruptly stopped and he took a hard breath through his nose.

A wild-haired boy with bright brown eyes behind round, black rimmed glasses slung an easy arm around Sirius and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. Sirius chuckled a little too quickly, but relaxed into the comforting gesture before shrugging it off.

“Well, maybe the drawing of a lion eating a snake wasn’t the _best_ way to break the news.” Sirius remarked sarcastically to the welcome, albeit nervous, laughter of his new friends.

“It was a really good drawing though, Sirius!” chimed a blonde, round faced boy to Sirius’ left.

“See now, Lily, this is where you’re super lucky to be muggle-born - your parents can never send you a Howler!” James said enthusiastically leaning over his breakfast as he ran a hand through his defiant hair. 

“I guess that’s a fair trade for the fright I caused them when I had to walk through Platform 9 & ¾ yesterday.” Lily smiled at the thought of herself and Severus stepping into the brick together.

The lanky boy to her right with sandy hair and a thin, light scar running down his face nudged Lily’s elbow slightly, “We’ve got Charms, 9 o'clock. See you all in Transfiguration after lunch?” Remus raised his scar-spliced eyebrow at James, Sirius, and Peter as he and Lily rose from the table.

“Yes, sir!” they said in unison with a salute, immediately dissolving into laugher.

Once in the corridor, Lily said softly, “I hope he’s alright. That was… rough.”

Remus tilted his head in thought before replying, “Yeah, pretty rough. Not to worry - the boys and I will make sure he’s okay.”

**-**

As Sirius lay in his four poster bed that night, he listened to James, Remus, and Peter snore. His sides hurt from laughing that day, a happy ache. He closed his eyes and tried to will sleep to come. The unwelcome voice of his mother crept up instead, filling his temples. The triumphant, defiant satisfaction he felt the second the Sorting Hat roared “Gryffindor” was ebbing into the dread and embarrassment he’d been staving off since breakfast.

Walburga’s words finally quieted enough for sleep to take Sirius into uneasy dreams under the crescent moonlight peeking through his window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely feedback!  
This is all new to me, I'm just glad this little nugget of an idea finally has legs.


	3. FIRST YEAR - Part III

“Wait, wait, do a dragon next Sev!” Lily could barely sit still in anticipation; glee punctuated in her dimples. Severus grinned and spirilled his wand, producing a golden thread that drew itself into a tiny dragon. It fluttered its wings, stretched its neck, and began circling the two friends. The golden dragon let out a puff of glitter and Lily giggled with pure delight.

Severus smiled at her joy as he looked along the edge of the Black Lake. Numerous students were out enjoying the unseasonably warm autumn day. He noticed the dark haired boy named Black and three other Gryffindors skipping, well, more like blasting, rocks across the lake. They had accumulated quite the audience with their stone pyrotechnics. He rolled his eyes to himself. 

“Have you finished the reading for Flitwick yet?” Severus asked as his attention rounded back to Lily, who was now laying in the grass, twirling a daisy she had conjured minutes ago between her fingers.

“Yup, and the response paragraph. It’s totally bizarre when I think about it; I’m reading about levitation charms and Petunia is probably doing trigonometry…” She trailed off while offering the flower to the enchanted dragon hovering above her nose. 

“Thank Merlin we’ll never have to sit through that kind of dull subject ever again,” Severus said with a tinge of disgust. Muggle school had bored him to tears. 

“Oh I don’t know, I was always pretty decent in mathematics…”

“You’re pretty decent in everything, Lils.” She smiled at his words, still staring at her flower. 

“Hey, Lily!” Suddenly, the rock blasting group of Gryffindors was approaching, a bi-speckled youth with unruly black hair leading their way. Lily sat up to greet them and Severus felt immediately apprehensive about her clear familiarity with the boisterous group of boys.

“What are you getting up to on this b-e-a-u-tiful day, Evans?” Black quipped as he (without invitation Severus noticed) plopped down next to her in the grass. The others followed suit; the one with the glasses and the hair taking her other side (also noted by Severus).

“Enjoying the sun, same as you lot.” She smiled wide, “Oh, where are my manners?” Pointing to each of the new arrivals in sequence, “Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter, this is Severus.” She ended, open palm to her friend.

“Right, James Potter. Nice to meet you, mate.” James outstretched his hand. _I’m not your ‘mate’ _Severus thought, but tentatively shook it with a nod, hoping against hope this group get-together would end soon. Potter had the look of someone who too quickly made themselves at home.

“We’re heading down to the Quidditch pitch! James has to practice so he can be the first first year to make the house team in a century!” Peter added enthusiastically.

“He’s going to need _a lot _of practice.” Sirius smirked, leaning back on his elbows, “I can still knock him off his broom in seconds.” James playfully threw a stick he had been fiddling with at Black. 

“First years aren’t _allowed_ to try out, you know,” Severus said matter-of-factly as he sat up a little straighter. 

“Well, there’s never been a first year like _me_.” James winked with a crooked grin that Severus did not return. “Do you play? You’re tall, but not quite broad enough for a Beat -” James was interrupted by the golden dragon whizzing in front of him. “Oi! Lily, did you conjure that?”

“Oh no, that’s all Sev. He can do other animals too, he’s really good.” Severus felt her praise, but would have charmed an entire ark of animals if it would end this conversation.

“That’s kind of advanced…” Sirius interjected with a slight hint of suspicion. “Are you one of those read-ahead types?” His grey eyes held a distinct intensity even as his body relaxed with nonchalance. 

“Actually,” Severus cleared his throat, “my mother taught me.”

“Oooo, Mummy dearest, huh?” Potter said with just enough teasing to get on Severus’ last nerve.

“Well, I made some modifications.” 

“Modifications?” James’ quick eyes tracked the dragon as it flitted about his face.

Without hesitation, Severus flicked his wand and the golden dragon expelled a blast of smoke and sparks, completely blackening Potter’s face and cracking his glasses.

There was a long pause, broken finally by Lily’s shriek of shock, “Severus!”

“Aaaand that’s our cue to go.” Remus finally spoke as he and Peter scrambled to pull back the wiley James, with no help from the simultaneously laughing and glaring Sirius. 

**\----------- **

“I don’t know if this is such a good idea…” implored Remus as he, James, Sirius, and Peter shuffled down the drafty dungeon hallway under James’ invisibility cloak. This was the first time they had used it for an actual plan and not just as a way to sneak into the kitchens to snag extra desserts.

“It’s an _excellent_ idea with Look-Out-Lupin keeping watch,” grinned Sirius. Peter giggled as Remus rolled his eyes. James abruptly stopped their movement forward, carefully peeking around a corner. Peter dominioed into Sirius who just barely kept himself from toppling James over too.

“We’ve just got to wait til he comes out…” James said determinedly, completely ignoring the squabble behind him that had erupted between Sirius and Peter.

“Ouch - jeez Sirius, it was an accid - umph!”

“You’ve gotta be quicker on your feet there, Pete!”

“If you two don’t quiet down we’re going to get caught before Snape even takes one step out the door...” Remus whispered. Sirius and Peter stilled, the taller boy easing but not releasing his grip of Peter in a headlock.

“Say _House Elf…_”

“Merlin, yes, House Elf!” Peter wrenched himself free from the crook of Sirius’ arm. He poutily readjusted his robes as Sirius affectionately (if not a little roughly) rumpled his friend’s hair.

“All in good fun, eh mate?” Peter stuck out his tongue mockingly while nodding at Sirius in agreement. In the next moment, all of their attention swung around the corner at the sound of numerous Slytherin students making their way to dinner.

“There’s too many of them, you won’t be able to pick him out without someone else getting caught in the crossfire,” Remus observed.

“Not like we’re going to shed a tear for any ‘accidently’ hexed Slytherins…” Sirius gripped his wand, ready to go.

James held his wand at attention too, but shushed his friends behind him, “Just give it a minute, I don’t think he’s in that crowd.”

The three of them still eager to continue with the plan watched raptly though the shifting cloak as the majority of Slytherin house meandered down the corridor. Remus instead kept checking behind them, just waiting for a professor or prefect to appear. 

When the chatter had died to echos grazing the dungeon walls, the Slytherin dormitory entrance opened again. Snape walked out, a book under his arm and muttering to himself. His brisk pace accentuated his just-a-tad too short robes, clearly revealing wore in Converse trainers underneath.

“I knew it,” James proudly proclaimed before swiftly ducking out from under the cloak. “_Accio_ book,” he whispered as the text flew from Snape’s grip. Completely startled, Severus turned in surprise to see James snatch the soaring book out of the air. 

“_Potter_,” Severus growled as embarrassment cloaked in anger flooded his body.

“Whatcha reading here, Seeeeev?” James mockingly asked as he carelessly flipped through the pages, “J.R.R. Tolkien… _The Lord of the Rings?_” he snapped the book shut, “Never heard of it.”

“Color me surprised, you could read the title page.” Severus spat as he gripped his wand in his robe pocket. His stomach tightened as Potter tossed the book above their heads, where it began to dance and dangle just out of Severus’ reach.

He drew his wand and whispered, “_Accio_ Lord of the Rings.” The book continued to tap against the ceiling under the mocking control of Potter. Severus immediately switched tactics.

Beneath the cover of the cloak, Sirius and Peter sprung into action with blocking spells as Snape began to throw multiple jinxes at their grinning friend. Sirius would have been impressed with his fellow first year’s knowledge and capacity if he hadn’t been trying to Batbogy Hex James.

Potter continued to toy with Snape; making the book swoop and swing above the Slytherin, but always just barely out of his reach. Sirius and Peter had to stifle their laughter and even Remus cracked a smile at the ridiculous spectacle. The more frustrated Severus became, the more James feigned melodramatic boredom; yawning, tapping his foot in faux impatience, and checking his watch as Snape exhausted himself. 

Severus abruptly stopped trying to hex Potter - clearly this was a set up. “Give it back.” Severus gritted as evenly as he could.

“Uh, uh, ahh, now what’s the magic word…” said James with a devilish grin.

Severus took a deep breath, “_Please_,” he uttered, barely audible in defeat. 

“I can’t heeeaaar you -”

The Slytherin common room door suddenly opened, revealing their tall, striking Head Boy, Lucius Malfoy. Remus immediately grabbed the back of Sirius’ robes as he impulsively moved to aide James, almost revealing them all under the invisibility cloak. 

“Severus, what exactly is going on here?” Lucius asked as he took in the bizarre scene of a 12-year-old stand off under a dancing book.

“Potter stole my book and will not return it to me.” Severus said with a tone that Sirius would describe as ‘tattle-tale.’

“Stole is a very strong word, I just _borrowed_ it… “ James began as Malfoy easily plucked the book from the air. He paused slightly at the cover before peeling through a few of the first chapter’s pages.

“Yeah, _borrowed_ without permission, also known as _stealing_!” Severus exasperated.

“I was gonna give it back, I swear Lucius!”

“You are such a liar! And where are your Gryffindor lackies, I’m sure they’re here some-” Malfoy sharply snapped the book shut to cut off Severus. Lucius’ silver eyes narrowed on James, his wild, black hair seemingly fitting to match the fire with which he was defending his actions.

“You’re a long way from home, little lion. Let’s get you back to Gryffindor tower, and while we’re there, we’ll set up your detention this weekend with Professor McGonagall.” James groaned, but turned to leave all the same. Sirius folded his arms in frustration, internally weighing the merits of hexing Malfoy from under the cloak. As if reading his mind, both Remus and Peter shook their heads.

Lucius handed _The Lord of the Rings_ back to Severus with a gentle grin. Snape unconsciously hugged the book to his chest and returned the smile, unsure of how to express his gratitude. 

“Just a word of advice Severus - it’s best to leave muggle items at home,” Lucius touched Severus’ shoulder reassuringly, “they tend to attract unwanted attention and subsequent ridicule around here.” Severus nodded emphatically, the gratitude from moments ago now feeling slightly hollow in his chest. 

Only after the clicking footsteps of James, Malfoy, and Snape faded into total silence did Remus allow the three remaining Gryffindors to sneak out of the dungeons. 

**\-----------**

“Why does she always have to work with _him?”_ James complained as he haphazardly chopped their remaining nettle leaves.

“I don’t know, mate. They’re friends from home, right?” Sirius peaked over at Remus and Peter’s cauldron. Theirs was decidedly a clearer blue; his and James’ looked a little murky. 

“He’s just _such_ a suck up, how does she not see through that act?” Sirius joined James in looking-but-not-looking at Lily and Snape two tables back. Severus’ green and silver tie was perfectly knotted, and his onyx hair slicked back. Snape and Lily poured over the potions book between them, adding ingredients in tandem. Their cauldron was also a crystal clear blue.

“You know my stance on Slytherins,” Sirius said pulling his eyes back to their nettle leaves, “they’re all just snakes in the grass, waiting to strike.” He mimed a snake biting, pinching James between the ribs. After a retaliation arm punch, Sirius added the last of the leaves and their potion bubbled into a clear, violet color. “Besides, would you really leave me high and dry without a potions partner just for a pretty girl?” Sirius batted his eyelashes over his shoulder.

James laughed while pulling his black rimmed glasses to the tip of his nose, “In a heartbeat, dear Sirius.”

Severus could feel the eyes of Potter and Black on him, as they always were at some point when he was talking to, working with, or near Lily at all. Truthfully, working with her in class was the only real time they spent together now. His housemates had a plethora of opinions about his continued friendship with the muggle-born Gryffindor. Lily, of course, couldn’t care less what her new friends thought of her oldest friend. She was brave like that. The only part of going home for the summer in a month he was looking forward to was spending quality time with her again. 

“My dynamic duo, this looks to be coming along splendidly.” Professor Slughorn approached their table as both Severus and Lily beamed. He continued around the room, inspecting each bubbling cauldron. Lily casually began reading their next chapter assignment as Severus sat back on his stool. He peered over at Black and Potter. James yawned while cleaning his glasses, and Sirius suddenly showed a great interest in his textbook, raven hair falling into his face, pushing it away just as Slughorn reached them. Their violet potion had not swayed back to blue, and Severus tsk-ed under his breath, “Should have chopped the nettles more finely…”

“A little more even, gentle hand with the nettle leaves and yes, the color would have been spot on, boys.” Slughorn said as he peered into their violet cauldron. Severus averted his eyes, but smiled to himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First year - done and done :)


	4. SECOND YEAR - Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, let's get into their second year!  
Apologies I missed posting last Thursday; Halloween kinda took over :)

The full moon illuminated the three boys’ puffy sleeping bags under the leaves of the Potters’ beech grove. The summer breeze had diminished in the night, but a gentle thread of lilac was still sweet on the air.

“I think I figured out what’s wrong with Remus,” Sirius whispered, almost to the stars themselves.

“He just gets sick easily, like, some muggle disease? Migraines I think he called it, right?”

“No, come on Pete, a Healer would have cured that a long time ago. This is definitely magical.”

“He’s not sick all the time though, just every once in awhile…”

James had remained uncharacteristically quiet. He turned to face his friends. Sirius stared directly at him; Peter was still facing the stars. Without breaking eye contact, James gave a small but sure nod, and Sirius took a deep breath before saying, “Not just every once in awhile, literally every month…”

James turned back over, suddenly overwhelmed with how large the moon was, almost oppressive in its presence. “Always the same three days: before, during, and after the full moon.” The words came out slowly, as if trying to prolong the inevitable, “I’ve noticed too.” 

“What’s the bloody moon got to do with - Merlin, _no_, you’re not suggesting?” Peter whipped around, half of his face hidden in his pillow.

“Where do you think all his scars come from? He got at least seven new ones last year.” Sirius rubbed the bridge of his nose, now sitting up as well.

“He’s our friend, you can’t just go around accusing him of _that_!” Peter squeaked, burying his face in his pillow again.

“No one’s accusing, it’s just kind of obvious at this point.” James turned away from the moon to face the other two.

“There’s just no real proof, and gods what if it’s _true_? I mean, what will we do?” Peter was now just speaking to his pillow.

“Seriously Pete, he didn’t come tonight. ‘Not feeling well’…”

“So what?”

Sirius pointed up to the moon, and Peter gasped.

“Ah, so _that’s_ why you were being so annoying about everyone coming to visit this weekend. A little experiment, eh Master Black?” 

Sirius innocently shrugged his shoulders with a half grin, “Just needed to be sure.”

“This isn’t happening… what do we do now?” Peter had emerged from behind his pillow.

“He’s still the same old Remus, just with a… furry little problem.” At the end of his words, a pillow hit James in the face. He laughed and threw it back, slightly unseating Peter.

“I know it’s still him, just, I’ve never known a-a _werewolf _before,” Peter whispered. “Remus is so level headed and kind to me, and he gets good marks...”

“Turns out we’ve _all_ known a werewolf for the last year. D’you think he’s just as much of a stickler about homework when he changes?”

Sirius leaned forward, halting the banter. “Peter poses an excellent question: what do we do now?” His voice rang with excitement and determination, “I’ve been reading; werewolf transformation is very painful, like the Cruciatus Curse almost. You can only be infected with lycanthropy if a werewolf bites you while they’re in _wolf_ form, not human. Oh! And they can’t infect other animals! Dumbledore must have pulled some serious strings for him to come to school, but the rest of the world will not- “

“Wait, I’m sorry, did you say you’ve been reading? Over the summer? Who are you and what have you done with our Sirius?”

He rolled his eyes at James, “When I hide out in the library, my mother leaves me alone,” Sirius nonchalantly bit a hangnail from his thumb, “_She_ at least is under the impression that I’m doing schoolwork…” James began to giggle, “Anyways - her library, of course, has no shortage of dark arts books. Plenty of stuff on werewolves. Seriously, it’s like the Restricted Section in there...” 

“Back to the point,” Peter was now sitting up straighter, “What are we going to do about Remus?”

James looked up to the sky, “We’ll make sure he’s okay.” 

“He’s not alone in this anymore,” Sirius added, a strong warmth of anticipation joining his determination. 

**\-----------**

“Do you have any extra ink? I just ran out…” Severus rummaged through his rucksack, producing a fresh bottle, and handed it to Lily. She smiled with a light, “Thank you!” 

Severus grinned, leaned against the willow tree, and closed his eyes. He could hear the music of insects, flowing water, and Lily’s quill working out the last paragraph of her charms essay. His Converse were tucked under a root next to his transfiguration textbook while he enjoyed a little patch of moss beneath his feet. Sleep flirted with his eyes as the pleasant hum surrounded Severus and eased his mind. The scratching of the quill stopped, and he heard Lily dance over to the rope swing.

“Like a push?” he asked, pressing his hands against the small of her back. Severus moved out of her way and watched for a moment as she flew higher and higher, before delicately heading down to the water’s edge.

Lily’s musical laughter rode the light summer breeze as Severus dipped his toes into the creek. The water was cool and refreshing. The ebb and flow drew out the tension his body was too accustomed to holding. He only noticed its presence when it was alleviated. In the space it left, he took a deep breath and thought about returning to Hogwarts next week. 

This summer had not been exactly what he’d envisioned. The distance between Lily and himself that he blamed on their house sorting remained, even outside school grounds. Naivety or denial (truthfully a bit of both) had made Severus hope they could just slip back into their friendship from before Hogwarts. Schoolwork remained their common ground and the basis for most of their interactions over the holiday. While they still had fun and goofed around, a boundary that wasn’t there before seemed to be ever present now. A small sadness welled up in his chest that he wasn’t fully ready to understand yet.

She was still the best thing about home.

“Is it terribly cold?” Lily was suddenly behind him, toeing off her sandals.

“The right kind of cold.” Severus put out his hand for support as she stepped into the creek. Instead of releasing it once she got her bearings, Lily laced her fingers between his, gently but firmly.

He looked down at her and smiled as she leaned against him, pressing her cheek to his arm. While the sadness remained, a warmth of joy bloomed beside it; bringing levity to the heaviness between his ribs. Severus inhaled a steady, calming breath, and took solace in the fact that he still only did that in her presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading!  
Since I won't be making a costume this week, lol, next chapter coming on Thursday!


	5. SECOND YEAR - Part II

“Ouch, that was my foot!” Sirius harshly whispered as he, James, and Peter shuffled along the corridor just outside the hospital wing.

“Sorry!” squeaked Peter. James turned to both of them, his right pointer finger pressed to his lips.

The three boys all stopped, falling silent as they heard Madam Pomfrey bustling on the other side of the door. They huddled closer, making sure their six feet were hidden by James’ invisibility cloak. Seconds slowly ticked by, until the Healer burst through the door, and the boys quickly slipped inside before it shut behind her.

The room was empty, except for the third bed on the left where one of Remus’ feet hung off the edge. James removed the invisibility cloak, revealing the ragtag group of friends.

Remus was about to take the sleeping draught Madam Pomfrey had left for him, when he saw a familiar unruly head of black hair peek around his curtain.

“Jesus Christ, Jam- you guys nearly gave me a heart attack!” Remus’ heart was racing. Even though he was in pajamas, under a very cozy blanket, he felt incredibly exposed.

“A what? Do I make you heart flutter, dear Lupin?” Remus crossed his arms at James, as he, Sirius, and Peter each took a side of his bed.

“You lot aren’t supposed to be here,” Remus growled through clenched teeth. He would have asked how they got in, but he had spent his fair share of time last year under James’ invisibility cloak as well.

“We’ve important matters to discuss with you, mate,” Sirius was on his right, mischief and intensity behind his grey eyes, “and get-well gifts to bestow.” He plopped a carefully wrapped paper package on Remus’ lap. Its ornate, golden label spelling _Honeydukes _reflected in the low candle light of the hospital wing. Remus slowly tore open the paper, revealing a block of milk chocolate. His eyes narrowed in suspicion as he took a bite, hoping against hope this intervention wasn’t what he thought it was... 

“Didn’t think you could hide your - um - true form from us forever, did you?” Sirius’ eyes had softened but still glittered with determination.

Remus’ stomach gave way, almost gagging on his bite of chocolate. His mind raced with a thousand denial excuses that his mouth just couldn’t find the words for. He literally had nightmares about this exact moment.

“It’s just a furry little problem, nothing to worry about,” James said offhandedly, receiving an only half-serious smack from Peter.

“Stop calling it that!” Peter looked up at Remus from the end of his bed, taking a deep breath of courage, “We just want you to know, that we don’t care.”

“Well, of course we _care_. It just doesn’t change our friendship,” James said encouragingly.

“Of course. More than that, we’re going to help.” The mischief in Sirius’ eyes was now in full force.

Remus found his voice at that, “You CANNOT help. I don’t know what half-cocked plan you have scheming Sirius, but lycanthropy is _dangerous_. I’m dangerous; I couldn’t live with myself if I ended up infecting one of you, o-or worse…” He trailed off in a whisper, pulling his clenched hands to his mouth, his throat now tight.

Sirius placed a surprisingly gentle hand on his fists, “Oh Remus, ye of little faith. You’re not dangerous, The Wolf is.” Remus raised his eyes to meet the piercing grey ones, then slowly looked at the clear bright blue of Peter’s and James’ comforting brown.

“You’re not alone in this anymore, mate,” Peter piped up.

“Whether you like it or not…” James smirked.

“And honestly, d’you really think you could stop us if you tried?” Remus let out a half laugh at Sirius’ words. He was right of course. 

**\------------**

“You coming, Snape?” Severus looked up from his book’s particularly interesting paragraph concerning the fireballs of Hinkypunks. He met the tiny eyes of Alger Crabbe who cocked his head towards the wall passage. The Slytherin common room was clearing out as everyone headed to the Great Hall.

“Right, yeah.” Severus magically marked his page in the book before untangling his legs from their seated position in the chair by the fireplace. He followed his fellow housemates out of the dungeons towards the Halloween feast.

There was some sort of cosmic irony, Severus thought, about actual witches and wizards celebrating Halloween. Before Hogwarts, the holiday had been greatly underwhelming for him. His mother found it to be a muggle bastardisation of her wizarding culture. Once, he had been allowed to go trick or treating with Lily and Petunia. His father had too much to drink that evening and the candy spoils of Severus’ night out ended up in the dumpster. 

The thought of Lily strummed his heart and twisted his stomach. Then again, maybe he was just hungry...

As Severus walked through the large archway, a magical murder of crows swooped close above his head. They flew into the bewitched night sky ceiling, past the dozens of floating jack-o-lanterns, and fluttering bats. Severus sat at his usual bench at the Slytherin house table, taking a moment to appreciate the grand feast spread out before them. As he tucked in, starting with a turkey leg, Severus thought - _Ironic or not_ \- this was a worthwhile celebration. 

Once every student and faculty member was bursting at the seams, Dumbledore cued for the castle ghosts to begin their performance. Severus wondered if it would be the same as last year, or if they came up with something new. Nearly Headless Nick floated to the center of the room, slightly nodding to the exuberant applause. As he was about to speak, the large jack-o-lantern hovering above him began to slowly hiss, then with a sudden pop, exploded into a brilliant orange mess of pumpkin flesh, rind, and seeds. 

Every being in the Great Hall was shocked in silence for a moment as pieces of pumpkin literally fell through the Gryffindor ghost. Then, the hissing started again. Chaos began to rumble through the air as _all _the levitating jack-o-lanterns began bursting, showering everyone with pumpkin guts. A particularly large glop of seeds landed on Severus’ shoulder which he flung off in revulsion. 

Across the Hall, Mr. Filch was running, no, _chasing,_ Potter and Black around the Gryffindor table. 

“Of-_fucking_-course,” gritted Severus under his breath. 

Filch slipped and fell on their second lap around the table. The pair of black-haired agents of mayhem used that as their moment of escape, laughing hysterically through the large doors. Professor McGonagall briskly cut through the center of the room, removing the pumpkin mess from her robes as she strode with a surprising degree of dignity. 

Through the still falling pieces of jack-o-lanterns, and the chaos of his fellow students, Severus realized he was never going to see what the castle ghosts had planned that year. _Potter and Black (with help of Lupin and Pettigrew no doubt) just _HAD_ to make the evening about themselves_, he resentfully thought.

**-**

“Your frequent presence in my office is becoming a terrible habit, gentlemen,” Professor McGonagall said sternly, peering at Sirius and James through her silver rimmed spectacles. 

“It’s just such a lovely office, Professor,” James implored, shifting in his mahogany chair on the other side of her matching desk.

“Truely, who did the decorating in here, becau-”

“That’s enough,” McGonagall put her hand up, immediately cutting off Sirius, “flattery does you no good within these walls.” She shook her head disapprovingly. James elbowed Sirius, the two almost breaking into giggles.

“Now, I believe spending next Saturday polishing the contents of the trophy case - without the use of magic…” both boys groaned, “will give you two sufficient time to think about your choices this evening and how you could improve upon them.” Sirius slouched in his chair and began picking at the hangnail on his thumb. James caught his eye and they shared a secret smirk - their “choices” to create the Pumpkin Prank began many weeks before that evening. 

“Potter, you particularly need to watch it with the detentions.” Professor McGonagall stood, “If you accumulate too many, I will not hesitate to bench you for the Slytherin match.”

“B-but it’s my first game!” exclaimed James “You wouldn’t really do that, would you, Professor?!” 

“Do not test me then, young man,” she moved towards the door, “Alright, let’s go you two. Time to apologize to Nearly Headless Nick, and then it’s straight to bed.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That Marauders' infamy has to start somewhere :)


	6. SECOND YEAR - Part III

Flames crackled in the Gryffindor common room fireplace, illuminating the glittering red and gold Christmas tree. Sirius’ numerous books and papers were sprawled across the hearth floor and part of the couch. The homework he should have been doing was stacked in the corner as he poured through a particularly interesting chapter of _Transformation Theory_. 

After jotting down a quick note about “animal mindset” he looked up at the grandfather clock. It was only five o’clock, the library should still be open for another hour. He quickly magicked the mess of books and notes into his bag before heading out the portrait door.

It felt empty and strange to walk the corridors without his friends in tow. After his first year Christmas though, he refused to go home for another one. However, Sirius had made sure to owl home a particularly wicked set of Gobstones he knew Regulus would love - secretly grateful he didn’t have to see the look on his brother’s distinctly similar face when he found out Sirius wouldn’t be coming home to break in that new set.

James had offered for Sirius to join him at the Potters’ for the holidays. Sirius didn’t want to feel like a burden or charity case. The two had gotten into their first real heated argument over this Christmas holiday - James frustrated that his best friends was refusing his help, and Sirius insisting he needed to stay to work on the animagi project anyway. They compromised with James coming back early to Hogwarts for New Years (solely to help with the animagi research, of course). 

As his footsteps clearly echoed across the stone steps without another set to muffle their rhythm, Sirius briefly wondered what Mrs. Potter would be making for Christmas dinner the following night... 

He reached the library without running into another soul, not even a ghost. He dropped a couple books off in the return and then made his way to the transfiguration section. As he thumbed through the now familiar rows, he heard a quill rasping against parchment. _Who, in Merlin’s name, is doing homework in the library on Christmas Eve? _Sirius thought.

He snuck around the towering shelves of volumes, approaching the scratching. Between two copies of _Hogwarts, a History_, Sirius spotted the source. Snape was furiously writing; books and spare parchment surrounding him. His hair was longer than Sirius’, pulled back into a low ponytail to keep it from distracting him while he worked. The low light of the library candles flickered across his elongated features, currently fully focused on his essay. Sirius noticed he wasn’t in school robes for possibly the first time ever, just a green sweatshirt that was a little short in the sleeves.

Not being able to resist, Sirius pulled his wand from his back pocket and began to mutter under his breath.

The candle just in front of Severus went out. Then the one to his right. He looked up from his Ancient Runes homework, as all the candles began to extinguish and ignite rapidly in tandem.

“Peeves!” he muttered, raising from his seat, wand drawn. He tried to halt the light show, to no avail. His frustration rose, peaking when he heard a familiar snickering from behind a bookshelf.

“Nice, _Black_, goddamnit, I was almost finished.” Severus spat as Sirius emerged. He began angrily gathering his belongings.

“Come now, that tone is hardly in the Christmas spirit!” With a flick of his wrist, Sirius quieted the candles to their previous steady flames. Mischief gleamed in his silver eyes, reflecting the candle light. 

Severus a little too forcefully shoved a textbook into his rucksack, “Are you just a hopeless puppy wandering the castle without your precious Potter to follow around? Nose practically up his arse…” 

The flickering mischief flashed into a cold, steel stare. “Not nearly as hopeless as your delusional star-crossed lovers fantasy about Evans. Although, something tells me she’s _never_ going to let you near her arse.” Severus halted, crossing his arms as his wide, onyx eyes slowly met Sirius’.

For a moment, the only movement in the room came from the wavering flames. Eyes still boring into Severus’, Sirius slyly whispered, “Extinguera.” The total darkness cut the palpable tension as he briskly left, without the book he came for.

Severus inhaled a fuming breath, laced with smoke from all the extinguished candles. He released his taut crossed arms and ran a hand through his hair, pulling out the band, allowing black pieces to fall about his face. Remembering his wand grasped in his left hand, he hissed out, “Incendio.”

The candle flames returned, gently flickering again as Severus stared through them. His heart was racing and his body was tense. He felt caught between defensive fury and a bizarre, humming energy that he tried to shake off before gathering the rest of his schoolwork. 

**\-----------**

“It’s GAMEDAY!!” James exclaimed as he swung from the canopy post, landing on a groaning Sirius. 

“Bloody hell, Potter, trying to injure me before I even get on my broom?” Sirius elbowed James off him, turning to face his best friend through bleary eyes. 

“But you’re finally starting today, how can you not be excited?!” Sirius was excited, it’s why he hadn’t been able to fall asleep until around two o’clock that morning.

“I’m only filling in for Davies while he’s recovering…”

“I know, I know, BUT you’ll be key in crushing Hufflepuff today, we’ll win the Quidditch Cup, and then you’ll for sure start next year!” Sirius laughed into his pillow as his friend began bouncing the mattress. “Remus and Pete are already down at breakfast, let’s go!”

James bounded off the bed, threw Sirius’ Quidditch robes at him, and flew out of their room. Sirius smiled through the red and gold fabric as he pulled it over his head, laced up his shoes, and quickly followed.

-

Sirius was buzzing with anticipation as he walked onto the field, beater bat in hand. He could feel the excitement vibrating in his limbs, although his head felt surprisingly clear. The stands were full, a glorious ruckus filling the air. James ran up behind him and clapped him on the back, “Ready, mate?”

The two mounted their brooms and lifted into the air with their fellow teammates, soaring above the crowd. After a loop around the pitch, they stopped above the Gryffindor section to a swell of cheers below. James swooped down to offer Lily a conjured red rose, proclaiming some overly dramatic sentiment about winning the game for her. Sirius had to laugh as Lily rolled her eyes dismissively at his friend; the gaggle of girls surrounding her giggled uncontrollably. One of them, Miel Caron, mid-giggle snatched the flower from James and comically held it just out of his reach.

Across the pitch, Severus was anger-watching James overtly flirt with Lily. _Potter on a broom was about as awful as he got_, Severus thought. He noticed that Black was playing today as well; he looked just as confident flying as Potter, with a degree more intensity and force. A low burning of jealousy flooded his stomach.

Severus’ focus was jostled by a hand on his shoulder, “Mind making room there, Severus?” Lucius Malfoy was at his back, squeezing his way through the Slytherin crowd. A small smile twinged the corners of Severus’ mouth, his heart picked up a beat, and he quickly made room on the bench for the older wizard.

“He-hey, Lucius, it’s great to see you!” That ‘you’ came out a little higher pitched than Severus had intended. This had been the second time Malfoy dropped by Hogwarts since graduating at the end of last year. Severus wasn’t sure if that was common for alumni, but he was always grateful to see Lucius. 

“Had a meeting in Hogsmeade end early, thought I’d take in a bit of the game before heading back to the Manor.” His words had a casual, aristocratic caydence; as if everyone retired to an estate at the end of their work day. Severus’ heart thumbed a little louder, a tender part of him hoping he would one day get to visit said manor. “How’s second year been? Almost finished!”

“It’s gone pretty well, Potions in particular. I really like Professor Slughorn.” Severus didn’t want to sound boastful, but he was the top of his class. Well, he shared the top spot with Lily.

“That’s wonderful. Potions was always a little lukewarm for me,” Lucius said as he rose with the surrounding students at the starting whistle. “You keep that up, Sev. We’re going to need a talented potions master.” Severus joined the clapping roar of the stands, beaming with admiration and budding pride at Lucius’ words - although he was not entirely sure whom or what Malfoy was referring to.

-

It seemed the entirety of Gryffindor house was squeezed into the common room that evening celebrating the victory. James was atop the back of one of the sofas regaling in dramatic detail every goal of the game. Remus and Sirius laughed at the “oohs” and “aahhs” from their first year classmates. 

“At least he’s got a willing audience here,” Remus said as he drained the last of his butterbeer. “Otherwise it’s us, while trying to go to sleep tonight.” 

“Honestly, I put up silencing charms sometimes. I love him, but there’s only so many play by plays I can stomach.” 

“That’s a pretty good trick, Master Black.” Remus snorted, butterbeer tickling the back of his nose. “I think that’s all I’ve got in me tonight. I’m gonna head up.”

“Rest up while you can; three days til full moon.” Sirius winked and took the empty bottle from Remus.

“Don’t get into too much trouble without me.” Remus smirked, lazily wrapping a second loop of his red and gold scarf around his neck as he began walking up the stairs.

_Only Lupin approved trouble_. Sirius smiled to himself. He made his way across the room to dispose of their bottles and grab another butterbeer that Peter had nicked from the kitchens.

Sirius cracked off the top and was about to take a sip when he heard, “Hey, can you grab me one of those?” He looked up and saw Miel smiling down at him. She had the conjured rose from earlier tucked behind her right ear. It was now a rainbow of colors that stood out beautifully against her hair’s dark ringlets.

“Of course!” He stood and handed her a second bottle after popping off the cap. “I like what you’ve done with the rose - much better than what James conjured up.” Miel brightly smiled as she took the opened butterbeer.

“Thanks! For the butterbeer, and about the…” She adorably cocked her head and pointed to the flower with her drink. Miel slightly turned towards James, who was about halfway through what was shaping up to be a three act play of the game. “Why aren’t _you_ up there with him? You were just as important to our win today.” Her words had just a hint of playful mockery.

“That’s a one man show, love. Wouldn’t want to get in the way of artistic _genius._” Miel chuckled into her drink. Her laugh was warm and disarming and Sirius suddenly very much wanted to make her laugh again. “So, best mate to best mate, do you reckon he’s got a chance with Miss Lily Evans?”

The response he was hoping for erupted in giggles that rivaled those earlier in the day at the stadium. “Merlin, no! Lily’s got a good head on her shoulders; she wouldn’t waste time trying to rein in the ego of James Potter.”

Sirius shrugged coyly in understanding. Still wanting to stick up for his friend just a little bit, “I try my best, but if anyone could, it would be her.” 

“_Try_?? I’m pretty sure you’re the one fanning the flames half the time…” Sirius laughed this time, no point in denying that obvious truth.

The common room had thinned out considerably towards the end of the night, but Sirius and Miel were still enjoying playful banter, mostly at their friends’ expense. He was blissfully caught up in the victory of the day and the flirtation of a sharply funny, very pretty girl.

“How did you get it to go all tie-dye like that?” Miel was leaning against the side of a bookcase as Sirius took a couple steps closer to inspect the rose still in her hair. 

“How do _you_ know what tie-dye is?!” She said with a mischievous challenge in her chocolate brown eyes. Sirius leaned against the bookshelf nonchalantly, preserving their close proximity.

“I know many things Miss Caron… and I asked you first.” He was constraining a bigger smile into a smirk.

“It’s just a little charm, maybe I’ll teach you some time.” Miel tapped Sirius’ chest lightly while annunciating the beat of ‘some time.’ She did not remove her hand, letting her palm gently rest against his loosened Gryffindor tie. At that contact, Sirius closed the remaining space between them, not taking his eyes off hers, returning the mischief blinking up at him.

“No time like the present… ” He rested his hand lightly on her hip and breathed in the scent of rose in her hair. Their eye contact broke as Miel pulled him into an ernest kiss; the red and gold necktie woven between her fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're through second year, on to the third!


	7. THIRD YEAR - Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third year, here we go!

Severus flung the back screen door open as he rushed down the crooked steps. The adrenaline coursing through his body was just trying to put as much space as possible between his person and the tidal wave of his parents fighting. His father had found out about his mother’s owl post box; his response had been unfortunately predictable in horribly unpredictable rage.

Severus’ mind raced as his feet angrily hit the gravel. His stomach pulled into a multitude of knots. He was furious with his father, and frustrated with his mother.

_True, he was cruel and controlling, but he was still only a _muggle_... _

_She could literally liquify his mind with the swish of her wand; why didn’t she? _

_And why did she stay, knowingly keeping herself and her son in harm's way? _

_And how could he, Severus, leave her there to deal with the torrential fallout alone?_

The tirade of questions screamed between his temples, creating a burning behind his eyes. Severus hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going, just following his feet until he found himself under the willow tree. His legs finally stopped and allowed him to sit on the weathered wooden seat of the swing. He gratefully gripped the familiar ropes, his thumbs running along the slightly frayed fibers. 

Severus’ chest was constricted, only allowing him to take in shallow, quivering breaths. He felt raw and exhausted, while simultaneously tense and alert. The contradiction in his body crescendoed into a reluctant release of tears and silent sobs. 

He heard her gentle approach behind him. Lily didn’t say anything, she just wrapped her arms around Severus’ shoulders and delicately swayed the two of them with the creaking of the tree branches. The water was higher this year, it’s rushing sound filled the pregnant pause surrounding them. 

Lily shifted, resting her head on the nape of Severus’ neck, and opened her right hand across the center of his chest, pressing with her steady palm and the pad of each finger. 

“Breath with me, Sev.” He could feel her warm magic spread throughout his center as he relaxed into the rhythm of her breathing. The ease and openness with which Lily comforted him broke Severus’ heart just a little bit. 

**-**

“Is the Cortina still in the driveway?” Severus asked without turning to see himself. His entire body felt wrung out, heavy, and thankful to be flat in the Evans’ backyard.

“One sec,” Lily whispered as she eased up off the grass to peer around the side of her house, “Oh, yup, _finally_,” she exhaled. 

Severus made no motion to move at this news while Lily returned to his side. She resumed her cross-legged position, looking to him but not pushing the obvious. Severus continued to stare at the cloudy night sky, only the fuzzy edges of an almost full moon visible through the haze. 

He felt muted with a hollowness carved into the whole of his being by the onslaught flood of his emotions earlier. Severus tried to ignore the poking pressure of the invisible countdown - he had about an hour before his father came home from the bar, but he couldn’t will his body to walk the few yards to his home just yet. The ground was too cool and comforting.

“One of these days, I’m never going back to that house” he breathed, barely audible above a whisper.

**\-----------**

A small paper box spun corner to corner between Sirius’ thumb and forefinger. He enjoyed its blur of red and white. The sun was setting, leaving a glowing strip of fading orange bleeding into indigo at the sky’s edge. He could see bright Venus perched just atop the horizon of his neighborhood. The box came to a slow stop. Sirius thumbed the golden embossed lettering that spelled _Embassy_ while breathing in the slightly off-putting, yet enticing aroma of tobacco.

He had nicked the half-full pack of cigarettes from his uncle Alphard’s cloak pocket two evenings ago. Earlier in the summer, he spotted Alphard smoking in the garden before one of the “adults only” meetings. Sirius was elated his uncle had the audacity to smoke a _muggle_ cigarette in Walburga's own backyard. As per usual, curiosity got the better of him. 

He pulled one out and delicately flipped it through his fingers before tucking it between his lips. He shifted on the roof tiles and cautiously looked around, as if his mother would pop out from behind the chimney. The tip of his wand burned red as he connected it with the cigarette and took a deep breath that came out in an unsurprisingly harsh cough. Sirius leaned back against the roof, surrendering to the emerging stars. He took another, tentative drag. 

_There had been quite a few of those this summer_, the meetings, he thought. Sirius and Regulus were sequestered upstairs while many of their family members, immediate and distant, filed into the sitting room under numerous silencing charms and protection wards. Sirius both desperately wanted to know what was being discussed behind those closed doors, and felt a deep dread for what it could be.

“You better not let Mum catch you smoking those.” Sirius whipped around to see his brother’s head poking out of Sirius’ bedroom window. Regulus easily climbed up out of the open shutters and onto the roof. Sirius suddenly felt very self-conscious about the cigarette in his hand and hastily put it out as his brother scooted closer to him.

“_You_ really shouldn’t be up here Reg, it’s kind of dangerous.” Regulus gave Sirius a look that rivaled his own well-perfected eye roll.

“So dangerous that you’re up here pretty much every night?”

“As an expert in danger, mischief, and mayhem - yes, that is my professional opinion.” 

Regulus giggled a little and laid back, making himself comfortable against the tiles. “Mischief - definitely, mayhem - maybe, danger… let’s hope not.”

Sirius was still sitting, watching the twinkling house lights as darkness engulfed the horizon. “If you’re sorted Gryffindor, I’ll get to show you all the ways of mischief, mayhem, and danger.”

There was an uncomfortable pause before Regulus quietly replied, “C’mon Sirius, there’s no way I’ll be sorted Gryffindor.”

Sirius bit a hangnail on his left hand, crushing in the crisp edges of the _Embassy _pack in his right, “Yeah, well, I guess we both can’t be total fuck-ups.”

“That’s not what I meant…”

“I know, Reg. You’re a good Black, shouldn’t be taking cues from your disappointing, wayward older brother.” Sirius smiled and carefully stood, “Might rub off on you.” Regulus returned the smile with one of his own, a little sadness around the edges. “Speaking of, smoking is a terrible habit. I’m getting rid of them at once, want to come?”

There were just enough cigarettes for each house elf head mounted on the dining room wall to get their own. Sirius thought it was horribly fantastic the way they drooped precariously out of their crooked little mouths. 

He taught Regulus how to light them with Reg’s new wand, fresh out of the Ollivander's box. The boys were beside themselves with laughter.

Kreacher wailed at the sight of his forefathers puffing away. Sirius quickly cleared all of the evidence with a last minute air purifying charm just as their mother came thundering down the hall. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "popular cigarette brands england 1970's" is now part of my google search history - thanks fanfic lol  
Thanks for reading y'all, we're back at Hogwarts next week!


	8. THIRD YEAR - Part II

“Hey Alice, I’ll be right there!” Lily waved at her friends on the platform, about to board the Hogwarts Express. “I’ll see you on the train, Sev.” She smiled wide as she turned on her toes to join her friends.

Severus appreciated the lie. The figurative and literal distance between them grew with every step she took, red hair playfully swinging back and forth. 

He turned to grab his trunk and hug his mother goodbye. Eileen handed him a spare piece of paper instead.

“Mum, I’ve got plenty of parchment…” Severus furrowed his brow with genuine confusion.

“None like this, I assure you.” She smiled warmly and gave him a bracing hug. She barely had an inch on him these days. By the time she’d see him next, he would most certainly tower above her. “Do not lose this paper. When you get a moment to yourself tonight, tap it with your wand and say ‘Prince checking in’”

Severus’ perplexity shifted to intrigue. He carefully slipped the parchment into his coat pocket, looking at his mother still with a bit of confusion that could be read as concern.

“Not to worry, it will explain itself.” Eileen squeezed his shoulder as Severus bent down to grab his trunk handle. 

“Thanks, Mum.” Severus turned to the steam-billowing train, exhaling a steadying breath before walking back into this half of his life.

As the piercing whistle warned of their imminent departure, Severus noticed the familiar saunter of Sirius Black out of the corner of his eye. Black had also grown a few inches over the summer and was pulling what looked to be a smaller version of himself across the platform. One foot on the train steps, he swung impatiently on the short railing as his (presumably) younger brother ran to give their mother a hug. Black was clearly waving off whatever trouble he was in (by the look on her face) with getting on the train. For a moment, Severus thought of the scarlet Howler first year and his stomach tightened.

Severus was staring just a touch too long, as Black suddenly made eye contact with him, accompanied by mockingly sticking out his tongue. Severus rolled his eyes and quickly boarded before the train began to move. 

-

In the quiet of his bed that evening, green velvet curtains closed, Severus finally got to satiate the mystery of the parchment.

“Prince checking in,” he whispered with a tap of his wand, and the paper began to fill with his mother’s flowery handwriting.

_ **My son,** _

** _Since the owl box was closed, I have been working on this little idea. Once this paper is opened, you can write me whenever you like. I have a matching one, and your letters will appear on mine, as this one is appearing on yours. To close the parchment, concealing our correspondence, tap it again with “Signed and sealed” _ **

** _Have a wonderful year._ **

Severus turned the paper over with astonishment. He quietly scrambled out of bed to grab a quill and some ink. As he put the quill tip to the parchment, her words dissolved, leaving space for his response letter.

_ **Brilliant, Mum! You’ll have to teach me how you made these!** _

**_\- Your half blood Prince_ **

**\-----------**

The crisp autumn air licked through Sirius’ hair as he rounded the length of the pitch. Quietly absorbing the excitement of the crowd, he flourished over the Gryffindor box. James was performing his (now traditional) display of infatuation for Lily Evans. Today, it was a sunflower that glittered in the partial sun. Sirius had to admire James’ tenacity for making a fool of himself.

Across from the sea of red and gold was the stadium overflowing with green and silver. Sirius could see Regulus in the crowd and his heart tightened a little. It was unsettling to be in a situation where his brother was actively rooting against him, even if it was just a game. The cord it struck was a little too close to home (literally).

It was simpler and safer for Regulus to be in Slytherin; Sirius kept telling himself. He wouldn’t wish his experience on his little brother. Reg wasn’t built to be at constant odds with their parents and the crushing traditions of house Black. Yet, Sirius hoped the pureblood bullshit didn’t infect him too much… or at least too much more than it already had. It was hard to protect Regulus when it seemed that all options posed their own type of harm. The conflict weighing on Sirius’ mind was too much. He did another loop, letting the wind draw out his frustration.

All the red and green players settled into formation. At the sound of the starting whistle, Sirius gripped his bat. At least he’d get to knock around some snakes today.

-

It had started raining halfway through the match, but not a single student had left their seats. Severus was no different. Gryffindor and Slytherin were neck and neck, the snitch nowhere in sight. He was caught up in the excitement and pressure of the game with his fellow housemates. It had been a good show, both teams giving their all. 

Once the weather turned though, tempers were rising as patience ran thin - it was starting to get dirty. Severus noticed Black in particular was flying with seeming fury. He was one foul away from being subbed out, rocketing a bludger at a Slytherin chaser, Avery, just as he threw the quaffle to a teammate. The bludger impacted Avery’s side, the force certainly cracking a rib or two as it spirrelled him off course and almost off his broom. Madam Pieknik’s whistle halted the game. All of Severus’ surrounding housemates were immediately on their feet, booing, calling for the foul. All but one, he noticed. 

Regulus Black was standing at the very front, gripping the edge of the stands, peering down with worried eyes as his brother and Avery met on the grass, clearly yelling at each other. It was remarkable, Severus thought, just how similar they looked. Sure, Regulus’ dark hair was shorter and neater than Sirius’, but they had the same sharp bone structure and storm grey eyes. The boy a few rows in front of him could have been skipping rocks on the Black Lake two years ago. 

The team captains had landed and were keeping Black and Avery from throwing blows. Severus had also noticed the younger Black’s demeanor was much quieter than Sirius’. In a stadium of hundreds, Sirius’ presence and emotion seemed to fill the entire pitch. Regulus was just trying to conceal his concern enough to not stand out. 

The whistle blew again signaling Madam Pieknik’s final ruling: it was a fair hit. Severus simultaneously exhaled a breath with Regulus that he didn’t know he’d been holding. Their fellow Slytherins roared in disapproval as the players resumed the game, rain still coming down in sheets. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marauder banter and their friendships are my fav to write, but it has been a little surprise to find that I like fleshing out Regulus and Sirius' relationship as well. It's all pretty bittersweet :)  
Thanks so much for reading!


	9. THIRD YEAR - Part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to the holiday, this'll be the only post this week. We'll get into 4th year next week!

“Let’s go to Honeydukes first. The lady would like a sugar quill.” Sirius grinned at the blonde, Hufflepuff fourth year currently slipping her arm into his as they followed his friends. James was attempting to wrestle Remus for some unknown reason. Peter lagged behind as to not get caught in the tussle. 

“Yes! And then Zonko’s! Have you been there yet, Pearl?” Peter’s blue eyes were bright as he enthusiastically turned to Sirius’ date.

“I have in fact... not exactly my cup of tea.” 

“It’s not _her_ first trip to Hogsmeade, just because it’s _ours,” _Sirius said under his breath. Peter pouted, slightly deflated. James released Remus from a headlock as they re-joined the group.

“You’ve got to come with us! We’re picking up supplies for a particularly marvelous prank,” James said proudly as he pulled Peter into a side hug that turned into a noogie.

“I am not trying to get into any trouble, James Potter!” Pearl mock exclaimed. 

“No idea what you’re doing hanging out with Sirius Black then…” Remus ofthanded loftily as he cracked his neck from side to side. Sirius shot him a _Don’t push it_ stare that rolled off of Remus as he laughed. 

-

One crystal sugar quill, nearly every flavor of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans, and a small mountain of Exploding Bonbons later, the rag tag group was spilling out of Honeydukes.

Peter bounded off towards Zonko’s, Remus followed in tow with a lazier enthusiasm.

“You two lovebirds _sure_ you don’t want to come?” James play pleaded with Sirius.

“Naw, you lot have fun, we fancy grabbing a drink.” James gave a side smirk in return and ran off after their friends. Sirius turned the corner with Pearl snuggled up on his arm once again. “Thanks for being such a good sport, I know they can be kind of… a lot.” Sirius cocked his head, resting it against Pearl’s as they walked in tandem.

She responded with a bursting laugh, “I would expect nothing less from the infamous _Marauders_.”

“_Infamous!_ Never get tired of hearing that,” Sirius said looking down at Pearl with a crooked smile.

“Where did that name come from, anyway?”

“While its _exact_ origins are steeped in mystery, our dear arch nemesis, Mr. Filch, popularized its use. Personally, I’m a firm believer it was Mrs Norris who is to credit…” Pearl was fully laughing as Sirius pulled her to him a little tighter.

Sirius held the solid wooden door open for Pearl as they were greeted by the warmth of The Three Broomsticks. He scanned the room for an open table, noticing a booth in the back that had just become available as a group of Ravenclaws left. They quickly snagged it, even before the previous occupants’ dishes had a chance to clear themselves. 

Sirius slyly grinned at Pearl over his shoulder as he made his way to the bar to place their orders. It was packed with students, one of which he almost ran into as they turned to leave. He recognized them too late as their butterbeer sloshed onto the floor at his feet.

“Watch where you’re go - oh, _Black_.” Severus said Sirius’ surname as if it were toffee caught in his teeth. 

“How perfectly unpleasant to see you, Snivellus,” Sirius mockingly smiled and moved around Snape to squeeze up to the polished wooden bar. Normally, he would have gleefully engaged with Snape in a round of sharp to mean banter. Today, however, he had more important matters at hand: mainly, Pearl’s hot cider.

Severus tsk-ed at Black’s back. He felt a strange prickle of irritation at the blatant dismissal. Shaking it off, Severus pulled his wand from his back pocket and muttered under his breath as the golden, fizzy liquid returned to his chilled mug. Paying better attention to the drink in his hand, he snaked his way through the crowded pub to a large table of fellow (and one former) Slytherins. Severus tried to conceal his smile as he pulled up the open chair next to Lucius. 

Malfoy was entertaining their half of the table with a story of workplace-real-world triumph. He moved with such ease as all those captured eyes hung onto his every word; as if no part of him had ever been touched by self doubt. Lucius had left his striking hair down, blonde pieces falling into his face that his glinting grey eyes smiled through. Severus laughed with everyone, unconsciously grateful he didn’t have to hide staring at Malfoy.

“Honestly, outsmarting those buffoons at the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office is half my job,” Lucius said as he ran a slender hand through his hair, pulling the stray strands out of his eyes.

“Merlin, that office is a _complete_ waste of Ministry resources. Controlling what wizards do with their own property - and when you think about it - possibly hindering advancements in magic, all for the sake of coddling muggles is despicable.” A sixth year said matter-of-factly as everyone nodded emphatically.

“Soon enough, it won’t even exist at all…” Lucius almost whispered under his breath with a wink to Severus as he sipped from his tumbler of firewhiskey. Severus’ heart hummed at a much higher pace than it had the previous moment. 

_Had Malfoy only meant for me to hear that?... did he really just wink at me?_

At that, their table was hit with a gush of cold as the front door opened again, this time to a boisterous group of Gryffindor third years. Lily was at the front, pink in her cheeks from the autumn chill, hand in hand with a pretty, dark complected girl - Severus thought her name was Miel? The sight of Lily brought a familiar longing into his chest, and then his stomach dropped out when he snapped back to the reality of whom he was sitting with. He quickly averted his eyes, not wanting to discuss his friendship with “that mudblood lion” for the 127th time. 

Across the pub in the corner booth, Sirius and Pearl had finished their drinks and were cuddling close, just shy of being considered inappropriate. He counted the constellation of freckles beneath her hazel-green eyes as she went into detail about the current drama on the Hufflepuff quidditch team.

“Careful, if you tell me all your team secrets I might have to put them to good use come our game next semester.” Sirius teased.

“Scheme away Black, it won’t make a bit of difference. I’ve got your seeker’s number, just you wait!” Pearl’s freckles scrunched up on her nose in a playful, fiery challenge. Sirius leaned in to meet her fire with an equivalent kiss, when he felt eyes on him that took the wind right out of those sails.

Sirius turned his attention from their cozy booth. His eyes were met by Miel’s; relentless with hurt brimming at the edges. He let out a deep breath as all her friends abruptly stopped talking to join her in the visual offront. Suddenly, the warmth of the pub was reduced to lukewarm at best. He wasn’t trying to deal with whatever resentment was brewing at that table.

“Hey love, let’s take a walk. Maybe find a more private place to… talk?” Sirius easily masked his uncomfortable avoidance with honey in his words and an irresistible smile as he delicately ran a finger under Pearl’s chin. Her eyes lit up and immediately pulled on her cloak.

They left quickly, Sirius feigning the motivation for his urgency as desire for Pearl. Not that he didn’t desire her, it just took care of two birds with one stone - so to speak. They veered off the main path into a more secluded grove of trees. Some of the branches still had their golden red leaves, rustling in the light breeze.

As Sirius pulled Pearl to him in a rush of hormones and yearning, the confusing feeling of disappointing Miel evaporated as if it had never been there. All he could feel instead were Pearl’s fingers ravenging through his hair and the spicy taste of cider on her tongue igniting a shock of arousal through his being as she excitedly pressed into him. Pearl pulled his bottom lip between her teeth, and Sirius felt it all too easy to slip away into that engulfing rush.

\- 

Severus turned onto his back, staring at the top of his canopy. He envied his roommates’ light snoring as he fidgeted beneath the sheets. Too many nights this had become his routine.

He closed his eyes, half-heartedly hoping sleep would take him. There was an itching restlessness in his feet and calves, but he had already been out for a walk past curfew earlier in the week and didn’t want to push his luck.

The black of his eyelids suddenly flooded with images from The Three Broomsticks earlier.

_Lucius’ crisp smile and long, silver blonde hair getting caught in the wind..._

Severus wondered if he let his hair get that long if it would fall with the same effortlessness. 

_The swell of pride when Malfoy had invited Severus to sit with him and the slightly out of body feeling he got when Lucius winked at him…._

His heart picked up the same pace it had jumped to at the sound of his name on Lucius’ voice. Severus generally didn’t care for large crowds, but enjoyed the afternoon in the clamorous pub because Malfoy was there.

Of course he admired Lucius; he was older, talented, successful, and came from a prominent family. He had been helpful and surprisingly kind during Severus’ first year. The growing hardness between his legs, however, was something beyond admiration.

Severus turned over, pressing his body into the mattress as if to pause the expanding sensation. Then again... pressure felt good as well. He shook his head into his pillow. 

_Jesus Christ_, he thought; this was a whole different kettle of squids he was _not_ trying to untangle. 

**\-----------**

“I swear it’s here, just give me a minute...” Sirius was awkwardly leading the boys down a fourth floor corridor, peeking around every corner. They were sardine-d beneath the invisibility cloak under the guise that he had found a new secret passage.

“Ah, yes, this is the one!” All four young wizards watched their rumpled reflections appear in the large, ornate mirror before them as James pulled off the cloak.

“Bloody hell, we’re getting too big for that!” He complained as he took note of his reflection, adjusting his black frames and running a hand through his defiant hair, “My back’s gonna hurt for a week from all that crouching.” 

Sirius rolled his eyes in the mirror at primping James before moving it to the side with his wand, revealing a dark entrance. “Padfoot, you son of a bitch…” James shook Sirius’ shoulders exuberantly and was the first one through the hole.

They all quickly followed, toppling over each other until Remus had the sense to cast “Lumos!” The mirror closed behind them as the four trotted single file down the passageway. 

“Just a little bit further, it opens up into a much larger room. I think eventually it connects somewhere in Hogsmeade, but haven’t had a chance to check it out yet.” Marauders-in-adventure-mode was Sirius’ favorite. 

“Now, who do we have to thank for this discovery, dear Padfoot? Would that be Evelyn? Or possibly Alice?” Remus cheekily mused as he turned his wand to spotlight their tour guide. Sirius smirked devilishly and shrugged in playful avoidance. “Oh, _both_ then?”

“Wouldn’t _you_ like to know Master Moony...” The four Marauders’ laughter fractured into echos bouncing off the walls as the confined corridor expanded into an impressively large space lined with smooth granite stones.

“I’m sending them both ‘thank you’ flowers either way, this place is amazing!” James proclaimed as he turned on his heel, taking in their new discovery, “Add it to the list, Wormtail!” Peter produced a well worn piece of parchment from his robes and dutifully added a quick sketch of the passage.

“It’s perfect for practice!” Peter exclaimed as he tucked the parchment away. He had only been able to produce a tail in their animagi attempts so far. Sirius was pretty adept at his tail too, as well as transforming his hands and feet into paws. When James had achieved a full rack of antlers in their bedroom a few weeks ago, he completely shredded Remus’ bed curtains. It was decided; they needed more space. 

The four friends circled up in the middle of the room; James stretching his arms above his head, Sirius taking a deep breath, Peter shaking out his hands as he shifted from one foot to the other, and Remus flipping to the animagi chapter in _Transformation Theory. _While his friends attempted their most ridiculously dangerous idea ever (for him no less) Remus figured the least he could do was be there in case it blew up in their faces. 

“Alright gents, shall we? Prongs, want to start?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 house points if you caught the Potterotica/Fangasm easter egg :)


	10. FOURTH YEAR - Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up - This chapter begins with a scene depicting domestic abuse. If engaging with that subject matter does not feel right for you today, I invite you to scroll down to the second vignette, indicated by the "---------------" break.

“_Seventeen detentions_, SIRIUS ORION?” Sirius apathetically stared ahead, studying the gnarled, weathered features of Pocket, a former Black house elf in the middle of the beheaded line up. Sometimes he focused on her neighbors, Igg or Ditch, but over the years of zoning out as his mother berated him at the dinner table, Pocket was Sirius’ go-to.

“Regulus had zero, _zero_! I didn’t think that was conceivable after your first two years, but it seems that, _yes_, it is within the realm of possibilities for a child of mine to get through an entire term without acting as if they are a starved-for-attention, common hooligan!” 

_Pocket’s ears really had the funniest shape..._

An owl had arrived during their meal with both boys’ Hogwarts letters. Sirius’ included an addendum concerning his disciplinary record from last year. From his perspective, seventeen seemed like a success considering how many things the Marauders _didn’t_ get caught doing.

“It’s not all Sirius’ fault, Mum, Potter often - “ Sirius’ eyes dangerously snapped from the elf head to his brother.

“Oh, that James Potter is a terrible influence, _clearly_. A complete waste of potential, his blood-traitor, muggle-loving parents have made sure of that. The galleon doesn’t fall far from the Niffler…” 

Pocket was long forgotten.

“Reg, I would suggest keeping your mouth _shut_ concerning things you know absolutely nothing about.” Sirius’ voice shook with anger, “And Mother, the blood-traitor insult is so poorly covering your true envy of the Potters, it’s almost embarrassing - ”

“They are _exactly_ the kind of weakness that is threatening to destroy our world Sirius!“ Walburga’s words were high pitched in frustration, teetering on hysteria.

Sirius pressed, “It must really sting that those _muggle-lovers _are so incredibly wealthy and prominent, while you all have squandered so much of the _Most_ Noble and _Most_ Ancient estate over the years. Grandfather Pollux would be so disappointed…” Sirius mock frowned, his cold steel eyes staring down the table at his mother. Attacking Walburga's need for her father’s validation, even posthumously, was always a guaranteed way to get under her skin. 

“We do what is necessary to PROTECT our House of Black! It is our duty as the oldest family cornerstone of the wizarding world, you_ insufferable _child!”

“Protect it from what?! The big, bad _muggles_!?!”

“The mudbloods that steal our magic and THREATEN OUR VERY EXISTENCE! It is the foundation of our house words, in our _blood_, TOUJOURS PUR!!” Walburga matched Sirius’ anger, fury radiating back at him and over Regulus, who silently held his head in his hands. 

“_STEAL our magic?!_ Do you fucking hear yourself!?!” Sirius was on his feet, in turn meeting his mother’s intensity and raising it with his own fire.

“They are _unnatural_ abominations, eroding our -” 

“You are completely, BLOODY INSANE!” roared Sirius as the unmistakable crack of apparition rippled through the house, “You cannot _steal_ something you’re BORN WITH!” 

Walburga’s response caught in her throat as her husband’s thunderous footsteps carried down the hallway. The imposing figure of Orion Black shadowed the entire entrance way. The fire of their argument was immediately snuffed out in the now tensely silent dining room. 

“Orion, dear, back so soon…” Her tone was cautious and slightly ernest. 

“The business in Austria did not require as much direct attention as originally thought.” His words were cold and clipped. “He will be pleased,” Orion added dismissively before turning his attention towards Sirius.

Sirius stared down the back of his chair, rigidly still. He couldn’t quite remember standing up out of it.Sirius pressed his chin into the top of his fist as he chewed a hangnail on his thumb. Suddenly, a sering sting of pain engulfed his hand and shot down his forearm. 

“_Tsk_, disgusting habit…” Orion returned his wand to his black velvet robes as he swept around the ebony carved table directly opposite Sirius. It took all of the Marauder’s strength to keep his howl of pain containted to his jaw as he gritted his teeth instead of making a sound.

“For reasons beyond me, it is evident that your mother has failed to impart to you how this little 'rebellious phase' of yours has a definitive expiration date.” Orion spoke evenly, deceptively calm. Sirius studied the intricate patterns of his chair, now nursing his aching right arm and hand from the curse. “Let me be abundantly clear: You have one, two years at most where this association with blood-traitors, mudbloods, and disruptive behavior will be tolerated. Best get it out of your system because you will fall in line and - LOOK AT ME WHEN I AM SPEAKING TO YOU.”

The danger in his father’s voice shot down Sirius’ spine. He held his breath as his eyes slowly pulled from the chair to meet their sharp, silver counterparts across the table. While technically the same in color, Orion’s held a viciousness that gutted any mischief normally twinkling in Sirius’. 

“The legacy of the Most Ancient and Most Noble House Black is all that sustains. It is your privilege and duty, Sirius. I have made great sacrifices to secure this legacy, just as my father did, and his father before him. The day is coming when the wizarding world will return to the pureblood values that built our entire existence. When that rebirth is upon us, you will not _disappoint_ _me_.” 

Sirius wanted to run, scream, throw his chair across the table, but all he could manage was not breaking eye contact. The fury that burned only ten minutes ago relit, just in a deeper, darker place of his being.

Re-adopting his even tone, Orion shifted his focus. “I believe I have interrupted dinner, please everyone, continue.” He moved to sit next to his wife and Sirius exhaled slowly through his nose.

“Kreach - “

KRACK

Before Walburga could get the order out, Kreacher appeared with a fresh plate of roast beef and Yorkshire pudding for Master Black. 

Sirius slid back into his chair, staring at Pocket once more. She was not enough to distract him from the numbing adrenaline coursing through his body or the dull ache pulsing in his arm. He absentmindedly picked at his food while Orion asked Regulus about the upcoming school year. 

Sirius silently excused himself and headed upstairs to the solace of the roof and a much needed smoke.

**-**

In the cold, pink light of the next morning, Sirius snuck downstairs. He casually slung a bursting at the seams backpack over his right shoulder, wincing slightly at the twinge of pain still needling in his arm.

As quietly as he could, he sparked a fire in the sitting room fireplace. Sirius reached for the ornate silver jar encrusted with opals and mother of pearl atop the mantle. Two inches away, however, the air warbled and stuck to his hand like Jello. _Keeping the Floo powder hostage, eh? _Sirius thought with a grin.

Only three anti-ward attempts later, Sirius slipped his wand back into his pocket and retrieved the silver jar. “You’re getting sloppy, Walburga… ” he muttered under his breath.

While unscrewing the jar of Floo powder, Sirius felt eyes on him. Expecting Kreacher, he reluctantly turned around thinking of how to convince the meddling elf to not scream for his mother.

It was Reg though, hovering under the crown molding, venturing only halfway into the sitting room.

“Where’re you going?” His tone carried a hint of worry, free of any accusation. 

“Potter’s,” Sirius replied simply.

He tossed a handful of powder into the flames that immediately became electric green. With a moment of hesitation, he added, “You could come with, you know.”

Regulus’ body became visibly tense and shook his head. “I really can’t, and you know that.” Sirius turned back to the flames, one foot in the fireplace. “Father’s right. Something… is happening,” Reg’s whisper carried over the crackle of the fire.

Sirius pretended not to hear, instead barked, “Potter Manor!” and in an instant, he was gone. 

**\-----------**

The indigo of the night sky inked the final edges of the horizon, bleeding into the landscape before them as the sun finally set. Severus and Lily sat at the top of their homes’ hill, watching the day slip into night under uncomfortable silence. She forcefully picked at the grass under her knees while he repeatedly rolled a piece of parchment tightly between his fingertips. 

“You know I don’t think anything like that about _you_…” Severus cautiously, but emphatically breached the silence.

“Yeah, well, he does, and many of them do, and it’s not just about _me._ I’m not special in this, Severus.” 

_Of course you’re special_. His heart pained from his mind’s inability to make this clear to her. 

“But, Lily -” 

“Why are you even writing that pompous arse, anyway?!” Her question came out in a huff of exasperation.

An unexpected shield of defensiveness shot up in Severus, “Potter’s a _pompous arse_ and you still hang out with him_._” The words were spilling out before he could think to hold them back.

Lily slowly turned her head, a familiar frustration in her emerald eyes illuminated by the full moon light. “_Your_ issue with James-sodding-Potter has nothing to do with this.”

“He is the absolute worst, always throwing himself at you! Just because he can fly on a stick he thinks he’s Godric’s gift to Hogwarts.” Severus doubled down on the diversion, “The whole lot of them, really! Black is nearly as obnoxious as Potter - certainly more arrogant - Lupin _somehow_ escapes trouble of any kind…”

“I’m not getting into this conversation with you again.” Lily shook her head, a curtain of red hair falling off her hunched shoulders.

“There’s something strange about him, always missing classes because he’s _supposedly_ ill or his mother is…”

Lily pinched the bridge of her nose, “Remus is a good friend and his illness isn’t him somehow getting away with something.” Her tone was one of repeating a speech that she was tired of giving. “You’re right - his mates are complete prats who are full of themselves and create trouble wherever they go -”

“_Obviously_…”

“But you know what? _I’m_ not writing James Potter, or Sirius Black, or goddamn Peter Pettigrew for that matter, in the middle of July! And _they_ aren’t referring to my best friend (_who’s owl address I’m using_) as ‘that mudblood lion’!” The anger in her voice was punctuated by a crack of hurt she did not attempt to hide. 

Hearing her say the word made it real and snapped Severus’ fragile denial. Shame began to creep into his stomach and take root.

After long moments of still angry but less uncomfortable silence, he whispered “I’m sorry, Lils.”

Lily pulled on her lilac cardigan and laid back in the grass, “I’m sorry I read it. It was your letter.”

“Don’t apologize for that, it had to be addressed to you… You didn’t know.” The shame spread deeper because Severus _had_ known. He had known even before they went to Hogwarts how some with the most power in the wizarding world would judge Lily. He had purposefully hidden that ugly truth from her. A part of him thought he was protecting her. Unconsciously, a deeper part was protecting himself.

“But seriously Sev, why are you owl-ing Lucius Malfoy?” Her frustration had faded, just concern was left now.

Severus let out a low sigh. Guilt budding from his shame-tendrils made truth the only option he had energy for. 

“I, well… he... “ Severus struggled to put the appropriate words together, “He’s always... been kind to me…” Lucius’ letter was tightly spiraled between his thumb and forefinger. “I-it’s just... important that he likes me.”

Lily gently sat up and Severus could swear he felt the emerald of her eyes prickle his skin. He kept staring at the saturated night sky, unable to meet her gaze. He never could quite look at her when she was witnessing an edge of his vulnerability. He did need her to see it though. 

“Because, you like him?” Her voice was warm, achingly tender.

Severus worried his bottom lip and nodded. Lily stood, brushing off the grass from her shorts.

“Come on Sev, let’s go down to the willow.” Her hand was outstretched and open. He gratefully took it, relief and adoration for her filling his chest.

Lily squeezed Severus’ hand and started to pull him down towards the moonlit creek path as he tucked Malfoy’s letter into his back pocket. 

**-**

_ **… ** _

** _Great to hear from you again, let me know if you can make the Slytherin/Gryffindor game in November!_ **

** _Yours truly,_ **

** _Severus_ **

** _P.S. - Just for clarity’s sake, you can address any future letters to “Lily Evans - SS”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm going to try to post most (if not all) of Fourth Year over the next week as it does contain some Hogwarts Christmas holiday shenanigans :)


	11. FOURTH YEAR - Part II

“Come on Wormtail, we’re almost there,” Sirius exasperated as the two of them awkwardly climbed the narrow steps, each managing a large storage box of Exploding Bonbons.

“I, just - whew - wish James, could have…” Peter struggled out under the weight of the box.

“Tell me about it. This whole plan’s gone to shit, what with Prongs running off for midnight ‘quidditch strategizing’ with Matilda, Honeydukes _apparently_ upgrading their anti-levitation theft measures, and Moony is lost in a sea of books.”

“He’s - huff - finishing your Charms essay…” If Peter hadn’t been so out of breath, the comment would have held a stronger punch of sarcasm.

“Well, yeeaah, but still, Prongs is the one who really left us in the lurch. Gods, he better get that Captain’s spot once Matilda graduates after all the _extra credit_ he’s put in.” Peter snorted.

They gratefully reached the top of the stairs. Sirius tapped the passage door open. Once they were through the threshold, the one-eyed witch hopped back into place.

As quietly as he could, Sirius set down the pilfered box, checking his pockets for the Invisibility Cloak. They suddenly heard familiar footsteps, and before he could throw the cloak over them, Mrs Norris was rounding the corner.

“What have you found my sweet…” At the sound of the caretaker’s voice, both boys grabbed their respective boxes and ran in opposite directions.

With a surge of adrenaline, Peter flew down the hallway, hearing the yells of Filch confirm that Sirius had narrowly slipped past him. He looked back momentarily to see the red eyes of Mrs Norris chasing him. Peter skirted on his heel and began running up the stairs at the end of the corridor.

The cantankerous cat still on his tail, Pettigrew raced up the stairs, his legs burning in protest until the staircase abruptly swung left, leaving Mrs Norris stranded on the landing below.

Out of breath, Peter gratefully slumped onto a step while the staircase moved to its new position. Once standstill again, he hoisted the Exploding Bonbons box and more slowly ascended the stairs which put him on the seventh floor.

He very well couldn’t try to go back to Gryffindor tower just yet, he realized as he aimlessly wandered down the corridor. He really couldn’t keep carrying the box either.

Peter stopped in an alcove, placed the box down, and began to pace. There wasn’t much up here, he noticed, just a very large, strange tapestry of dancing trolls? _Worst comes to worst, I could hide behind that_, he thought.

“I need somewhere to hide, I need somewhere…” he muttered under his breath as he continued to pace. 

**-**

“Caddywompus”

“I really don’t care for opening for seemingly _nothing _young man…” The Fat Lady said as Sirius ambled through the portrait hole, awkwardly carrying the box under the cloak.

He was grateful to see the common room was empty, save for his sandy-haired mate still doing homework. Sirius triumphantly dropped the box and pulled off the cloak.

“You two make it out with all the spoils intact?” Remus asked without looking up from his parchment.

“Half of us did, to be determined on Wormtail’s end.” Sirius gleefully jumped over the wooden box and strode over to Remus. He unceremoniously moved a stack of books onto the almost finished essay and sat on the edge of the desk.

Remus finally looked up, slowly blinking at his impish friend, “You left him behind?”

“Not on purpose! Filch showed up, you know the rule, he can’t chase _all_ of us…” 

“But still, Peter has trouble thinking on his feet, especially without one of us around.” Remus could hear himself mother-hen-ing and consciously thought to rein it in. 

“True, probably why he ends up serving more detentions than me.” Sirius was lazily swinging his legs back and forth, slightly rocking the table.

Rolling his eyes, Remus leaned back in his chair, “You’re right, I guess. It is the _rule_.”

“Exactly! Now, dear Moony, I have brought you a very special gift from my travels.”

“Payment, you mean?” Remus smirked, “Let’s see it.” 

Returning the grin, Sirius produced a very large block of Honeydukes’ finest chocolate from inside his jacket pocket. Remus moved to take it, but Sirius quickly swiped it above his head with a raised eyebrow.

“Merlin…” Remus rumbled as he grabbed the roll of parchment to his right and presented it to his ridiculous friend. Sirius grinned and exchanged it for the chocolate.

“Pleasure doing business with you, Master Moony.” Sirius nodded business-like while unrolling the essay.

“As always, Master Padfoot.” Remus chuckled as he broke off a square of the milk chocolate.

“You already charmed it to be my handwriting? Damn it, Moony, you’re the best.” 

“Only the finest of quality here at Lupin’s Sweets for Homework Exchange.” Remus bowed melodramatically. Sirius laughed and reached out for a piece of chocolate. He was met with a swift slap on the back of his hand. 

“How haven’t you learned not to steal food from a werewolf yet?”

“Well, for start - “ The portrait door swung open, interrupting Sirius’ surely clever retort as a huffing and puffing Peter Pettigrew lugged the second Exploding Bonbons box into the common room. He tiredly placed it atop its twin.

“Wormtail! You made it!” Sirius kicked his legs out and bounced off the table.

“Did Filch catch you?” Remus also rose from the table, walking over beside Sirius.

“Nope!” Peter was red in the cheeks and beaming with pride, “I need to show you guys this place I found, like, right now. Grab the cloak!” 

Remus and Sirius exchanged mischievous looks. Turning back to Wormtail, Moony handed Padfoot a piece of chocolate and the three Marauders were out the door. 

**\-----------**

Severus sat alone in the library, curled up on one of the plump reading sofas, deeply engrossed in a thick book. The sudden cheers and muffled announcement from the quidditch match just outside pulled his attention out of Fangorn Forest. _Thank Salazar everyone’s at the game_, he thought. Severus could read in private and (relative) peace. It was only Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, no need to stand out in the cold surrounded by a crowd when Slytherin wasn’t even playing. Also, Lucius wouldn’t be there…

He had finished his homework earlier; all his school books and papers were stacked neatly on the table to his right. Relishing having the place to himself, (besides Madam Wasserman at the front desk) Severus had decided to settle in and return to Middle Earth. 

It was Petunia, actually, who first introduced _The Lord of the Rings_ to him. Two years before Hogwarts, she was reading it to Lily in their backyard and had waved Severus over to join them. It became their main activity that summer. He had felt so special, secretly knowing that some of what Tolkien had imagined was real and that he would one day get to freely wield magical powers of his own.

_“Do you think you’d be able to carry the One Ring? Bring it to Mordor?” Lily asked after the last page of _The Return of the King_ was closed._

_“No way! I’d be an elf and stay in Rivendell. Maybe marry Aragorn…” Petunia trailed off and Lily giggled. “What about you, Sev?”_

_“I could carry it. Eventually I’d destroy it, but first I would use it to make some changes.”_

_“You can’t use it! It corrupts the hearts of men. Not even Gandalf could do that.” Petunia said matter-of-factly._

But I’m not a man._ Severus had thought while smiling to himself. “I think Gandalf could have wielded the Ring, he just didn’t try hard enough.” _

_“Ugh, Lily, what do you think?”_

_ Lily was watching the clouds in the sky, “I would carry and destroy it, but only if I had to.” _

Thinking about it now, Severus couldn’t remember the last time Petunia had spoken more than two words to him. He shifted uncomfortably at the memory of the Evans sisters and returned to the hijinks of Merry and Pippin.

**-**

“Awww, come on Pieknik, that’s a bloody foul!” Sirius yelled as the whistle blew signaling Ravenclaw’s call for a time out. He threw his arms up in exasperation.

“You want to pay me that five galleons now, or…” Remus goofily smiled as he teased.

“Hey now, it’s not over til the - hiccup - the hippogriff... flies?” Peter’s face looked rounder than usual, pink in the cheeks.

“That’s right, THAT’S RIGHT, Wormtail!” Sirius sloppily pulled his shorter friend into a crushing hug. The three teenagers dissolved into laughter as their fourth counterpart just grinned while scribbling on a piece of parchment he’d had out the entire game.

“Prongs, stop doing _homework_ or whatever it is over there and have another drink!” Sirius fumbled in his robes for the flask he snuck in, instead finding a navy blue envelope. 

“Don’t hurt yourself there, Padfoot. You already finished the firewhiskey.” James laughed, tucked away the parchment, and draped an easy arm around his friend’s shoulders. “I’ve got to take notes on the competition, we’re going for the Cup four years in a row!”

“But you barely had _any_; Godric you’re no fun when you’re playing Assistant to the Team Captain.” Sirius twirled the envelope between his two pointer fingers. James snatched it mid-spin.

“What’s this? Oh, _Slug Club _Christmas Soiree,” he said with equal parts mockery and disdain. 

“Didn’t you get one too, Prongs?” Peter asked.

“Yeah, but these are total bullshit. Moony is the only one amongst us who actually pays attention in class and he’s never received one.”

“Well I haven’t either...”

“It’s not about _performance_, it’s about the _surname…_” Remus drawled under his breath.

“Exactly - bullshit,” Sirius cut in with an eye roll. The whistle rang through the stadium and all four were on their feet, cheering with the rest of the crowd.

**-**

Severus heard the ruckus roar of the match ending. He stretched out of the sofa and began gathering his belongings. Before packing _The Lord of the Rings_, he tapped it with his wand and the cover shimmered into a glamour of _Hogwarts, A History_. Satisfied with his handiwork, he placed it in his rucksack and pulled the strap onto his shoulder.

He made his way down the corridor, towards the dining hall where most of his fellow classmates were headed. Severus took a deep breath as he joined the stream of post-game-excited, windswept students.

He didn’t see the wild, black head of hair behind him though, and at once, Severus’ book bag was ripped open, its entire contents spilling onto the floor. Laughter erupted around him. 

“Watch yourself there, Snivellus,” Potter taunted as he pocketed his wand and strode past Severus, with an uncontrollably giggling Pettigrew, and an eye-rolling Lupin in tow. Before Severus could react however, they were out of sight, hidden in the moving crowd. He scowled and frantically tried to grab all of his books and papers before they were trampled.

“You’re the only person I know who still carries their _Hogwarts, A History_ around daily after first year,” Crabbe remarked as he held out the text to Severus. He swallowed and quickly grabbed the book away from his fellow Slytherin.

“Thanks,” Severus replied curtly as he hastily repaired his bag.

**-**

Sirius took a drag from his half-smoked cigarette. At the behest of Remus, he was walking a loop around the pitch before heading in for dinner. McGonagall would certainly notice the a-little-too-drunk Sirius at the Gryffindor table. He needed to temper down to at least tipsy.

The combination of the biting cold wind and the burn of tobacco in his lungs was sobering. _Moony’s always right, damnit_, Sirius thought with a smile.

After his second cigarette, he felt more in his body and began to make his way back to the castle. As he reached the Ravenclaw locker rooms, Theodore Greengrass was exiting them. He was a fifth year who had played for his house team the last two seasons. Greengrass was lithe and graceful, classic Seeker build, even under the wool coat and oversized navy scarf he was currently bundled up in.

“Great game today, Greengrass, won me five galleons.” Theodore paused and turned with a warm chuckle. He carded a hand through his wavy, chestnut hair.

“I do what I can, Black.” His smile revealed white teeth in contrast to his olive skin. Theodore leaned against the arched wall, waiting for the Marauder to reach him.

Sirius returned the smile, “It was touch and go there for a bit, but thankfully you landed the snitch in the end.” They both shivered as a gust of wind whipped through the walkway. “Don’t get me wrong, we’re still gonna kick your arses in the spring, but good fun to watch today.” Sirius lit another cigarette as he pulled even with Greengrass. Theodore turned on his heel to begin walking in stride with the Marauder.

“Going for four years in a row, huh? Not surprising, that Matilda is fucking relentless.”

Sirius barked a laugh, “You have no idea, mate. She had Pr-Potter taking notes at the game today. Ruined at least _half_ of my fun.” 

“Looks to me the other half was plenty for you.” Theodore’s eyes fell to the smoke flowing out of Sirius’ mouth. He momentarily bit his bottom lip. “Hey, can I bother you for one of those? I _did_ win you five galleons today…”

Sirius smirked and immediately produced another cigarette. As he offered it, Theodore’s eyes locked on his and Sirius noticed their amber honey color. Greengrass lit it and the still tipsy Marauder saw flecks of gold reflect in them from the light of the wand. He could feel a familiar humming energy in his body… maybe he was still a little too drunk.

Theodore caught his eye again and grinned, “Thank you, very generous.”

“I do what I can, Greengrass.” 

The two walked and smoked in silence, Sirius still stealing glances at Theodore. The draw towards the other young man surprised him, but did not deter Sirius whatsoever from continuing to stare, or the humming energy to subside. As per usual, Sirius unabashedly followed that feeling. 

“Did you get an invitation to Slughorn’s Christmas party this year? I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you at one of his gatherings,” Theodore asked as they reached the stone steps.

Sirius rolled his eyes, “I did, that’s not exactly my scene. Too much arse kissing in frilly, fancy-” 

“Oh, I doubt that. I’d bet _five_ _galleons_ you clean up pretty nice, Black.” Theodore winked and dropped the end of his cigarette, putting it out under his heel. “You should come, might be fun.” He shot the fully intrigued Sirius a final crisp smile, opened the front door, and swiftly walked inside. 

**-**

“There he is!”

“Welcome back, slightly-more-sober Padfoot!”

“Thought you might have gotten lost out there…”

Sirius waved off their greetings, “Listen, we’re going to this Slug Club Christmas shenanigans.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Christmas party chapters coming up next :)


	12. FOURTH YEAR - Part III

“Not another bloody word about it - you’re coming, Moony.” Sirius repeated for the upteenth time that day. He pulled on his black, velvet dress robes. Under the right lighting, they shone a red, burgundy undertone. The robes were cut to hang open, revealing his charcoal dress shirt underneath. After giving it a second thought in the mirror, he opted for no tie, leaving the top couple buttons undone. 

James pushed Sirius out of the way of said mirror, immediately starting to futz with his unruly hair. His robes were a more traditional black color and cut, which he paired with a red dress shirt and simple black tie. “Come on Moony, we’re going to bring the party to this stuffy soiree! Honestly, it’s a disservice to our fellow classmates that we’ve been withholding our presence for so long.”

“How, in Merlin’s name, did you get him fully on board with this?” Remus sat at the edge of his bed, fully dressed in his smart navy robes and matching shirt - looking thoroughly unhappy about it.

Sirius feigned ignorance, putting on his best innocent face.

“He just reminded Prongs that _Evans_ will more than likely be in attendance.” Peter was trying to get a peek at himself in the mirror around James who was still finagelling his hair. 

“Ugh,” Remus fell back on his bed in frustration, “Typical - this is about a bird for you too, isn’t it?”

_No, not a bird, per say..._ Sirius thought as he strode over to his lamenting friend. 

“_Moony_, please don’t stand me up! You’d be the first person in history to turn down a date with Sirius Black.” He took Remus by the hands, and dramatically pulled him upright, “My perfect record is at stake here.” Remus genuinely laughed and stood, shaking his head at his persistent friend. 

“Merlin, I should stay just to bethe_ one _that got away_,_” Remus sighed while trying to conceal a growing grin. 

“Besides, we need you to help lift the anti-spiking charm on the punch,” Sirius smirked as he straightened Remus’ silver tie. Lupin narrowed his eyes, his tentative grin fully cracked into a mischievous smile.

“_Fine_, let’s get this show on the road then,” Remus consented as he and Sirius moved towards leaving. James finally peeled himself away from the mirror, giving Peter just a moment to assess his royal blue dress robes.

“Come on ‘plus one!’ I’m not getting stood up tonight either!” James called through their open door. Peter quickly hurried after them.

**-**

Severus took in the mirror’s reflection as he awkwardly shifted in his modest, black dress robes. They clasped at the neck, mostly concealing his forest green button-up underneath. While still long enough in the arms, the hem hung two inches above the ground. He lazily waved his wand, transfiguring the robes to hit the floor. The silver lining of perpetually outgrowing his clothes: a fabric transfiguration ability that not even McGonagall could clock.

After a final once over, he retrieved a heavy, clinking box from under his bed, removed one of its numerous small, potion bottles, and pocketed the tiny blue vile with his invitation. 

A number of his housemates were already dressed and starting the party early with shots of firewhiskey and open bottles of elderberry wine making their way around the Slytherin common room. Severus meandered through the commotion to deposit his box on the round marble coffee table.

“Ah, the fail safes are here! Thanks, Snape.” A strong, wide hand met Severus’ shoulder with a slightly jarring amount of force. “You need a drink… Avery! Hand me that bottle…”

“I’m alright Goyle, really, but thank you.” 

“You sure? Well thanks again, never know who you’re gonna meet at one of these things, got to keep your wits about you.” Goyle winked a slightly bloodshot eye as he withdrew a thin, cork-capped blue bottle from the aforementioned box. 

Severus gave a nod with a slight smile, “Not a problem, enjoy your evening.” 

He had been up past midnight two nights prior making enough Sobering Potion to properly cure by the party. Since Slughorn was so fond of him, the professor hadn’t even questioned what Severus was up to in the Potions lab that late. 

At five til, the last libations were downed, and everyone grabbed their to-go vials of Sobering Potion. The appropriately hyped Slytherins exited the common room and made their way to the Potions Master’s office. 

Severus’ body buzzed with excitement as he entered the usually familiar room, now transformed into a lavish party. He always held his head a little taller, his chest a little higher at these events. It made Severus feel special, valuable even, knowing that Professor Slughorn personally chose those whom he deemed talented enough to attend. It was a great point of pride that he’d been one of the _chosen_ since first year. 

**-**

“Prongs, your primping, and Moony, your whinging made us late, we’ll be in this line forever.” In reality, it had only been a couple minutes. Sirius subtly looked around for any sign of the Ravenclaw Seeker.

“Did you remember your invitations?” James and Sirius simultaneously pulled the navy envelopes from their inner robe pockets.

“Yes, _Mum,_” they said in unison. 

Once at the front of the line, James strode over the threshold, only to hear a *_boink_* as Peter was magically obstructed from entering. He turned in confusion to see Sirius laughing, Remus furrowing his brow in concern, and Peter rubbing his nose. 

“You’ve got to walk in arm and arm, he’s your _guest_,” Sirius demonstrated by slipping his arm through the crook of Remus’ elbow and walking them through the doorway. “Honestly Prongs, where are your manners?” James dramatically stepped back, gentlemanly offered his arm to Peter, and proudly escorted him into the party. All four burst into laughter.

The office they entered looked completely different from its day to day. The room had been magically enlarged to accommodate the numerous guests, both current students and alumni. Sparkling gold and silver fabrics spiralled out from the center of the ceiling, draped down the walls, and onto the floor. An abundance of cushions and sofas lined the room, all intricately patterned in the same color scheme as the drapery. At the very center, an elaborate chandelier constructed of bewitched, non-melting icicles glittered.

“Must’ve taken an army of house elves to put together this gaudy monstrosity,” Remus said under his breath.

“Definitely. Let’s find the punch…” Sirius devilishly grinned as the four of them descended into the party.

**-**

From across the room, Severus’ stomach dropped as he noticed Potter, Black, Pettigrew, and even Lupin crossing the dance floor. “God-fucking-damnit,” he muttered to himself through clenched teeth. He had important plans this evening and hadn’t taken into consideration the turbulent factors of Potter and his Gryffindor lackies. 

**-**

The Marauders located the refreshment bar with an enormous cut crystal bowl of surely delicious, yet certainly non-alcoholic, pink punch. Like a pack, they wordlessly split up surrounding their prey, when -

“Master Potter and Master Black! This must be a Christmas miracle, you two have finally come to join me in the holiday festivities!” Both James and Sirius immediately turned to their beaming Potions professor. Horace Slughorn was head to toe in royal purple robes. Intricate, iridescent designs fractalled along his long sleeves and down his back. They exactly mirrored the patterns adorning the cushions and sofas. His cheeks glowed pink, probably from the fourth glass of wine in his hand.

“Thank you for inviting us Professor!” James put on his charm-the-adults smile and side stepped towards Sirius as to block the punch bowl and their fellow Marauders from view.

“Yes, it looks amazing in here, sir! Must have taken you _ages_ to plan it all,” Sirius matched James’ tone and moved into diversion mode. 

“You’re too kind, gentlemen, too kind! Now, I must introduce you both to Attila Prewett, just over here. He’s over at the ministry, actually, serves on the Wizengamot with both of your fathers…” Sirius shot Remus a knowing look over his shoulder as he and James were led away by the boisterous professor. 

Twenty minutes later, Slughorn social-butterflied away when he spotted a new someone-who’s-someone enter the party. Sirius let out a deep breath with a raised eyebrow to James. 

Remus and Peter suddenly appeared at their sides. Remus shoved a cup of punch into Sirius’ hand, “Thought you might need this.”

“Nothing like listening to bloated bureaucrats sing the praises of His Lordship of Hypocrisy, _Orion_ _Black_,” Sirius threw back the cup-full in one gulp, very pleased to taste the success of Remus and Peter’s mission.

James let out an audible gasp. His three friends followed his eyes across the room to see Lily Evans walking in with some of their house mates. She wore a deep, viridian green muggle dress with long bell sleeves. The jewel toned fabric gently flowed to the floor from the wrapped bodice and empire waist. Her normally straight, auburn hair fell about her smiling face and shoulders in soft curls. 

Sirius let out a low whistle, knowing this would probably be the last time he’d see Prongs this evening.

“She looks like Christmas morning,” the genuinely awe-struck James whispered.

**-**

Severus and Crabbe were enjoying the canapes provided by bewitched silver and gold platters floating about the room. Thus far, Severus had successfully steered clear of Potter and his lot. Speaking of, that unmistakable head of disheveled hair (he couldn't make an attempt to tame it even for this?) was plowing through the dance floor towards - _Lily_. 

Lily really looked incredibly lovely, her scarlet hair contrasted her green dress that matched her eyes. Potter had obviously noticed. Severus held his breath as they met, resentment and frustration building in his stomach as he purposely restrained himself. 

Watching their interaction like a hawk, Severus almost missed Lucius glide into the party. He was immediately greeted by one of the other alumni guests. Malfoy’s long, silver-blonde hair was pulled back in a low ponytail. His entire aesthetic was black on black, from his traditional dress robes with a satin lapel, to his perfectly straight bowtie. It took Severus a moment to notice the very pretty, very blonde Narcissa Black on Lucius’ arm. The exquisite beading of her dress gradually transitioned from black to glittering silver. At the shoulders, it broke into an elegant cape, mimicking robes. A knuckle long, marquise diamond engagement ring sat atop her slender ring finger. 

Severus felt suddenly out of his body witnessing Potter with Lily and Narcissa with Lucius. 

“You’ve got to try these mushroom caps, Sev,” Crabbe said through a mouthful. Severus shook his head in refusal. He was no longer hungry.

**-**

The three remaining Marauders left James to his own devices of most likely getting shot down by Evans, and headed back to the refreshments bar. Peter refilled all their cups.

“I think I might ask Evelyn Summers to dance,” Peter said with a rushed breath, summoning all of his courage.

“Excellent idea, Wormtail! She’s a good time,” Sirius grinned while finishing his second glass of Marauder-enhanced punch.

“I’ll bring her a drink, yeah?” 

“Sounds like a brilliant start, mate.” Remus poured another cup and held it out to his nervous friend.

“Yeah, yeah, okay, I can do this,” Peter started towards Evelyn and her group of friends, all laughing on a silver, lavish sofa.

“He forgot the punch,” Remus said with a little laugh, “We should go help him.”

“You’re in a more giving mood than I, Moony. If you want to play wing-man, that’s all you, mate.” Sirius patted Remus on the back as he walked to aid their friend, extra cup of punch in hand.

Sirius grinned to himself, enjoying the slight warming of the alcohol in his chest while refilling his own glass. He felt a light tap of fingers on the back of his shoulder. Turning to their source, Sirius was met with the striking sight of Theodore Greengrass in a crisp, white collared shirt and rich, turquoise dress robes that seemed to make his olive skin glow. He pointedly held out his hand, palm side up, with an expectant look on his painfully handsome face.

The corner of Sirius’ mouth ticked up in a half smirk, fully validated in his decision to stay at the bar. “Can I help you, Greengrass?”

Theodore’s honey-gold eyes blatantly looked Sirius up and down, “From the looks of it, you owe me five galleons, Black.” 

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about,” Sirius mused as he casually leaned against the bar. The humming energy returned, charging the space between them.

Theodore flashed his pearl-white smile while compressing that short space, mirroring Sirius’ stance, “I do accept other forms of payment,” his voice carried a distinct hint of challenge, “a dance, and we’ll call it even?” Theodore ran his pointer finger lazily along the edge of Sirius’ glass. He took it without permission, stealing a sip. 

“You did promise ‘fun’ at this stuffy affair…” Sirius’ silver-grey eyes glinted with want and mischief. Theodore laced his fingers between Sirius’ and pulled him onto the dance floor, along with many of the eyes in the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little belated Christmas festivities! Thanks for reading :)


	13. FOURTH YEAR - Part IV

“Severus, it is wonderful to see you!” Lucius warmly shook Severus’ hand. His cologne fragrance of cedarwood and nutmeg, combined with his effortless elegance, made Severus feel as if he was melting into the floor. 

“As always Lucius, Happy Christmas,” Severus quietly smiled while trying to remember to breath.

“I believe you remember my fiance, Narcissa?” The intimidating witch politely smiled and lightly shook Severus’ hand. While she had never spoken a word to him, there wasn’t a Slytherin at Hogwarts who didn’t know of the infamous Black Sisters.

Speaking of _infamous_ Blacks, Severus momentarily thought of the infuriating Sirius and did the family tree math… the witch in front of him was Black’s first cousin?

“And this is Amycus Carrow. Amycus, this is the young man I have been telling you about, Severus Snape.” Severus perked at the note of praise, focused, and shook the gaunt man’s hand. “He shows incredible promise with potions, as well as spell invention and modification.”

This seemed to be Narcissa’s cue to leave, as she briskly pecked Lucius’ cheek and floated over to a conversation with some of their former classmates.

Carrow raised his eyebrow at Severus, seemingly sizing him up, “Very interesting, tell me more Mr. Snape.”

Severus stood up a little straighter, “I could show you. Have you had anything to drink tonight?”

Carrow’s mouth cracked into what Severus assumed was a smile, “Horace did stock my favorite goblin-made firewhiskey. I’ve have a tumbler or two.”

Severus tensed with anticipation, feeling for a moment the potential importance of this interaction. He revealed the small blue bottle, “This will allow you to easily enjoy a third glass.” 

Carrow took the corked vial, intrigue lighting in his eyes, “Sobering Potion? It’s been awhile since I cracked open a textbook, but isn’t that a seventh year difficulty? How old are you?”

“I’ll be fifteen in January.”

“Have you made this potion before?” Lucius asked the leading question, already knowing the answer.

“I started making it last year for Slytherin House, erm, gatherings.”

Carrow let out a brittle laugh, “Ha, _gatherings_, yes, that is one way to put it as I recall.”

Malfoy interjected, “Amycus, may I?” He took the blue bottle, popped off the cap, and drank without hesitation. Carrow followed suit, finishing its contents. Both seemed to brace for an unfortunate sensation, relaxing when none came.

“When you enjoy firewhiskey as much as I do, you go through quite a few sobering remedies. How did you get rid of the bitter aftertaste?” Carrow’s eyes were noticeably clearer and seemed genuinely impressed.

“Slippery elm root. It doesn’t compromise the effectiveness of the potion, but it does neutralize the acerbic taste,” Severus said evenly while internally he was almost bursting with triumph. 

He suddenly felt a familiar hand on his back as Professor Slughorn joined their group, “Well, look at this meeting of minds!”

Lucius smoothly cut in, “We were just discussing Severus’ apt for Potions, Professor.”

“Oh yes, Mister Snape is incredibly talented, isn’t he? Amycus, you must meet his partner in crime, they are my dynamic duo in Potions,” Horace called above the crowd, “Miss Evans!” waving Lily away from her gaggle of Gryffindor friends.

Severus felt a cold wave of panic root him to the spot as she approached. He smiled at her, wishing he could stop the inevitable.

“Yes, yes, Amycus Carrow, this is Lily Evans. Since their first year, she and Severus have been at the top of my class.” Lily graciously shook Carrow’s hand as he regarded her with slight apprehension. Severus was still holding his head high, but felt like crumpling in on himself. 

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Carrow.”

“That is truly high praise, Miss Evans. From what Severus has told me, you must be the most talented muggle-born witch in your year.” Lucius’ words were smooth and calculated. They matched his handsome smile that did not reach his eyes.

“Merlin, so very talented! You should have seen the Sleeping Drought they brewed last month...” Malfoy’s subtext was thoroughly lost on Slughorn, but did not escape Lily as her shoulders tensed, her mouth pulled into a thin line.

Carrow’s recently clear eyes completely locked on Lily, “How fortunate you have overcome such a... _disadvantage_.” Severus felt helpless to the subtle danger in the man’s voice.

Lily put on a faux smile, “Thank you Professor, you’re always so kind. If you all will excuse me though, I need to step out for just a moment.” She gave a slight nod, purposefully avoiding meeting Severus’ pleading eyes. Her red hair spun as she quickly turned, and walked towards the door.

“Now, Severus, what about this talk of spell invention?”

**-**

“Evans!” James caught Lily’s elbow as she was crossing the room, “I just had Remus charm the liquor out of this one, Hufflepuff’s honor.”

Lily rounded on him, tears threatening the corners of her eyes, “Enough, Potter!” She stormed away, followed by her concerned friends, all shooting James dirty looks as they passed. 

James’ brow furrowed above his glasses as he absentmindedly ruffled his hair. He slowly sipped on the would-be-Lily’s punch. Confused, but not defeated, he shifted his attention to locating his fellow Marauders. Moony was just where he had left him - talking with a group of fourth and fifth year girls so Wormtail wouldn’t get eaten alive. Sirius was… James scanned the gold and silver room… waltzing with Theodore Greengrass? 

**-**

By the start of their second song, Theodore seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the amount of attention they had garnered. Sirius unequivocally enjoyed ignoring the stares. His focus was drawn into the ease with which their bodies moved together; how when he firmly pressed his hand into the small of Theodore’s back to pull him closer, the miniscule space between them seemed to vibrate with potential. Greengrass slipped in a sharp intake of air, only noticeable to Sirius because he could not take his eyes off the Ravenclaw’s enticing lips. 

Greengrass cooly shifted his head to the side, exposing the length of his neck. He smelled of citrus and lemongrass, immediately making Sirius want to bury his face in the bare skin. As if reading his mind, Theodore whispered against Sirius’ ear, “Would you like to step out for a cigarette?” Sirius swiftly met Theodore’s blazing eyes, confirming the desire in his tone.

“I would certainly like to step out…” The humming energy had taken over; Sirius tunnel-visioned in on following its rush.

They had barely made it down the long corridor when Sirius firmly pressed Theodore against the cool stone wall. He grabbed the Ravenclaw’s starch white collar, and pulled him into a deep kiss, expertly breaking their cresting tension. The familiar warmth of arousal flooded his body as Sirius poured his endless need into meeting Theodore’s desire with a singular intensity.

Theodore’s lips were eager, hungrily accepting as Sirius parted them with his tongue. He groaned into Theodore’s mouth as he felt the Seeker’s adept fingers grip his black hair and pull them (if possible) closer together. Sirius came up for air, breaking their kiss and meeting those penetrating, honey-gold eyes, now glazed with lust.

“Bloody _hell_, Black,” he breathed out as his dexterous fingers left Sirius’ hair, falling to the sharp edge of the Marauder’s jawline, “I’d only half believed the rumors, but _Merlin_…” His fingers lightly grazed between Sirius’ open collar to circle that bit of exposed skin. 

“I do what I can, Greengrass.” Sirius bit his bottom lip with a smirk, and slowly slid his hand down Theodore’s arm, his lips just barely brushing against the Ravenclaw’s. He felt Theodore shudder slightly in anticipation. Sirius finally reached Theodore’s hand, threaded their fingers together, and firmly pinned it in place above their heads as he swiftly brought his lips to the Seeker’s neck. Theodore let out a gasp of pleasure as Sirius teasingly ran his teeth along the cords of his tan throat. Theodore arched his back as Sirius switched to sucking and gently licking instead, pressing into Sirius’ growing erection. Sirius growled into the hollow of Theodore’s collarbone at the welcome friction. The scent of citrus and lemongrass engulfed Sirius’ senses as he pressed back in pure instinct, seeking the validation in feeling Theodore’s hard length against his own.

Sirius’ mouth found its way back to Theodore’s; raw, crashing heat and tongues. Sirius still securely pinned Theodore’s hand hard against the wall, while gripping his waist as they developed a delicious rhythm grinding their hips. Theodore tore out of the passionate snog to meet Sirius’ eyes with the same mischievous challenge, accompanied by a new flicker of vulnerability. 

“What do you want, Sirius?”

Sirius released their entwined hands, slowing their movement before pressing his palm around Theodore’s impossibly hard cock through his teal trousers. An involuntary moan escaped the Ravenclaw’s lips. 

“You,” Sirius replied honestly, desire dripping from the one word. Theodore grabbed the nap of Sirius’ neck and captured his wanton mouth with renewed fire before hastily pulling the Marauder into a supply closet around the corner. 

**-**

Severus could hear his footsteps echo down the corridor, an empty click over the music of the winding down Christmas party. The meeting with Lucius and Carrow had gone _almost_ exactly to plan. Malfoy had assured Severus he would introduce him to connected people who would recognize his talents, and he had come through. Lucius was always hinting at a new age of the wizarding world, and how Severus could play an important role in building that future.

Lily though, and witches and wizards like her, were not a part of that future. That was very clear. Severus figured once he was on his own, and had enough recognition, he could convince anyone (even Lucius) that she was different. She was special. 

Gods, _Lily_. He would have to do some serious apologizing after that awful interaction with Carrow. _If only Slughorn hadn’t invited her over, she could have had a lovely evening, and Carrow would have been none the wiser_, Severus wistfully thought. 

He was having to do more and more of that these days - apologizing to Lily. 

A sudden commotion (possibly a door slamming?) startled Severus from his engrossed thoughts. He found himself at the end of the corridor, the commotion replaced with muffled voices. He tentatively peaked around the corner.

Black was smoking a cigarette and talking to the Ravenclaw Seeker, Theodore Greengrass. Theodore casually leaned against the wall, facing Black, whose arm was extended, his hand pressed against the stone just above Theodore’s left shoulder. While Greengrass was undeniably striking in his bright attire, Severus couldn’t take his eyes off the enigmatic Black. Without hearing what the Marauder was saying, he could still almost feel Black’s effortless charm. _Absolutely infuriating_, thought Severus as a burn of jealousy filled his abdomen. 

Severus first thought to go get a prefect; Black would certainly receive a detention for smoking in the castle. He paused though. As satisfying as that would have been, something stirred in Severus, watching how close they were, that made him stay. 

Greengrass stole the cigarette from Black’s mouth, taking a victorious drag. In one swift motion, Black planted his free hand on the other side of Greengrass and deeply kissed him. 

In that moment, Severus became acutely aware of an unbelievably inconvenient truth of the jealousy currently rising up into his chest - it burned, not because of, but _for_ Sirius Black. 

**\-----------**

_ **Happy Christmas, Mum!** _

** _Thank you very much for the chess set. I hope you and father have had a pleasant morning. Did it snow?_ **

** _Professor Slughorn’s Christmas party was very successful. Lucius introduced me to a Mr. Carrow who seemed genuinely impressed with my Sobering Potion. We also spoke at length about my spell inventions and the theory of modification. I think he may have some opportunities for me once I graduate, fingers crossed!_ **

** _Lucius is also engaged to Narcissa Black, very exciting for him. Such a strong match, don’t you think?_ **

** _I’m off to breakfast, well, brunch really at this hour._ **

** _I’ll write again soon _ **

** _-Your half blood Prince_ **

“Signed and sealed,” whispered Severus.

**-**

So few students were staying at Hogwarts for the holiday that most of them gathered at the Hufflepuff table for Christmas breakfast, regardless of house affiliation. Severus sat in his normal seat at the Slytherin table.

He kept looking over at a particular head of raven black hair. Not that he didn’t do that regularly, but now he could not shake the persistent, sinking feeling that his preoccupation with Black and his motley crew had another motivation entirely besides just standard schoolyard rivalry. 

Black was easily chatting up a couple Hufflepuff girls. When he laughed, the smile reached his storm-grey eyes, bringing a softness to the angles of his exquisite bone structure. He casually ran a hand through his hair, tucking one of the longer pieces behind his ear.

Severus envied such effortlessness. And he now wondered what it would be like to run his _own_ fingers through that raven black hair… to pepper his teeth along that angular jawline… to have his breath stolen from his mouth in a scorching kiss against a dungeon room wall…

Severus immediately pulled his eyes down to his uneaten waffle with marmalade and clotted cream. Those thoughts had been haunting his dreams since Professor Slughorn’s Christmas party a week ago. He just wished they would desist during his waking hours. 

Thankfully, Black rose from the table with a dark haired Hufflepuff fourth year on his right. She slipped her arm into his, and he pulled her close, lazily walking out of the Great Hall.

Severus let out a deep breath, purposefully shook his shoulders, and finally dug into his breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Fifth year coming up next :)


	14. FIFTH YEAR - Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're starting fifth year with a little self-indulgent, crossover vignette. Enjoy!

Sirius shook from the base of his spine through the crown of his head. The building, penetrating chords pouring from Jimmy Page’s guitar strings engulfed the young wizard’s core, undulating through his being, out to his fingertips and toes. He felt both acutely in his body and much larger than the confines of his bones - which wasn’t _solely_ due to the amount of firewhiskey he’d consumed that evening.

Sirius came slightly back to his surroundings. His eyes fluttered open under pieces of sweat-drenched, raven-black hair. The flower crown wearing, petite blonde he’d been dancing with had floated away. Her sights seemed to be on Remus instead. Sirius smiled to himself as he watched his friend navigate this less than familiar attention. 

_Good on you, Moony_, he thought with a spark of pride as he located his other Marauders in the sea of people.

James manhandled Sirius’ shoulder while less than gracefully searching through Sirius’ leather jacket pockets. His pout of disappointment was nearly comical upon discovering a very light flask. Sirius grinned and yelled over the music, “Let’s go grab a pint!”

“You’re buying, Padfoot!” James exclaimed as he turned, on a mission. Sirius gave Peter a shrug and motioned for him to stay with Remus.

“We’ll be right back!” 

This concert was, without a doubt, one of James’ greatest ideas. Muggle music was a favorite defiant indulgence of Sirius’ - Led Zeppelin in particular. When Remus received his Hogwarts letter containing a shiny new Prefect badge, James surprised all of the Marauders with celebratory tickets. _It was meant to be_, he had said in trying to convince Remus, since the show fell a week before the full moon. 

Sirius fisted over a few crumpled muggle bills, and winked at the mohawk donning server, “Keep the change, love.” She smiled coyly, as if it was the first time that entire evening. James smirked to himself; that was standard operating procedure for how most women (and truthfully, some men) responded to his somewhat, _yet not entirely_, unaware friend. He carefully grabbed the precarious triangle of beers. 

“Thanks, Pads. Shall we, or are you...” James raised an eyebrow, nodding towards the server who was still making eyes at his aloof friend. Sirius let out a bark of a laugh. 

“You should go find Moony and Wormtail, before they get roped into some sort of flower-child, free love situation. I actually fancy a quick smoke and walk.” 

James’ eyes narrowed, “Are you serious?”

“Well, I’m _always_, Siri- “

“Don’t say it, don’t fuckin’ say it!” James laughed wholeheartedly as he left, beers in hand. He hollered over his shoulder, “Just make sure you come find us after your _walk_!” 

Sirius grinned, fishing in his pockets for his _Embassy_ pack, as he strode through the venue doors. He slipped a cigarette between his lips and lit it with a silver Zippo protected by cupped hands as he turned down the corner alley. Sirius took a long drag while venerably thumbing the engraved words of the lighter: _I SOLEMNLY SWEAR THAT I AM UP TO NO GOOD_. It was another one of James’ excellent gifts, from the previous Christmas. 

Taking stock of the weight of the silver lighter, he felt momentarily humbled. Sometimes Sirius didn’t know where he’d be without that wild haired, bi-speckled, best partner in crime a bloke could ask for, James-sodding-Potter. He would still be staying at Grimmauld Place for the final summer month, for one. The hint of that idea made Sirius shudder slightly, followed by a pang of guilt in his stomach. 

Mr. and Mrs. Potter had never once questioned him when he showed up falling out of their fireplace, day or night, with only the clothes on his back or his entire school trunk and broom in hand. James would always allow Sirius a day or two of space before asking just the right question to draw out the truth that weighed heavy in Sirius’ heart. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to properly express his depth of his gratitude for the Potters.

Sirius shook his shoulders, taking another deep drag as he looked up to the few stars he could make out above the city lights.

The Marauder neared the end of the alley way when a tall, shaggy haired young man stumbled around the corner, breaking Sirius’ internal train of thought. He wore a well fitted white t-shirt, a red plaid flannel tied around his hips, and was trying, well, failing to light a cigarette. He leaned against the brick wall and let out a huff of frustration as Sirius drew closer.

“Need a light, mate?” The stranger focused on Sirius, his left eyebrow raised in slight apprehension. Sirius clicked open his cherished Zippo, the flame wavering in the sparse summer breeze. 

The young muggle’s expression changed immediately to a delighted smile as he leaned forward, the end of his hand-rolled cigarette finally glowing red. He stepped back to the wall in relief, inhaled a deep pull, cocked his head to the side, and held his breath. In that pause, he seemed to finally see Sirius for the first time, and the corner of his mouth ticked up as he let out the breath of smoke.

_That’s not tobacco_… Sirius’ piqued interest grew.

“Thanks,” The slight smirk hadn’t left the stranger’s mouth. Sirius met the young man’s eyes, and realized they were two different colors: one blue, one brown, both alight with a raw intensity the Marauder usually only saw in his own reflection. He couldn’t have been older than 17, but his duel-colored eyes held the depth of having seen things beyond their years. Sirius’ own intensity hummed in recognition, drawing him towards the new stranger. 

“Enjoying the show?” Sirius asked, still fiddling with the silver lighter. 

“I _was_, til I was _removed from the premises_, bloody tossers…” The young muggle trailed off, taking another drag. His blue/brown eyes followed the Marauder as he stepped lightly to lean against the wall beside him. 

“Do tell,” Sirius side-eyed his new companion and noticed a tattoo on his inner arm, just above the crook of his elbow. It looked like a rune or possibly a hieroglyph? Moony was always telling him to pay better attention in Ancient Runes…

The slight hum amplified now that Sirius had closed their proximity. He took one last pull from his cigarette and dropped it, putting it out under his boot.

“Was nothin’, really… well, I _did_ punch the guy, but he was being a fuckin’ wanker… whatever, it doesn’t matter,” the stranger rambled out over his heavy exhale. He met Sirius’ inquisitive stare, and offered him the joint between his fingers, “What’s your name, love?”

Sirius delicately accepted, concealing his excitement. He had only tried muggle marijuana on one other occasion. It was hard to come by at Hogwarts. 

“I’m Sirius.”

His companion lit up with interest, turning towards the slightly coughing wizard. He held his tall, lanky body with apathetic grace, all excitement contained in his devilish grin and glimmering, blue/brown eyes.

“As in, Canis Major’s Sirius? Tell me, as a pup, were you gifted to fair Europa buy the lightning bolt wielding Zeus himself?” There was an element of teasing in his voice, but it couldn’t be truly ill-natured whilst referencing Greek mythology. 

Sirius genuinely laughed to himself - he had spent the better part of the previous night as a black, shaggy dog running around the Potter property with a stag and mouse in tow (Remus had flat out refused to ride Prongs, _such_ a spoilsport). 

“Lucky for me, I haven’t met my Teumessian fox yet.” As he handed over the smoldering joint, their fingers grazed lightly, increasing the humming energy to a higher pitch.

“No, I suspect you catch _everything_ you chase.” The dual-colored eyes locked into silver-grey, their almost predatory glimmer sent a shock of affirmation to Sirius’ growing attraction. 

“And you are?” The Marauder shamelessly looked over his intriguing companion, taking in the muggle’s sharp cheekbones accentuated by his truly impish smile. 

“They call me, Ripper.” He took a final pull from the dwindling joint and flicked it to the ground. 

“Hm, curious, why’s that?” Ripper turned his head to the stars to exhale, fully exposing the length of his neck. While admiring the view, Sirius noticed a chain clasped with a small, gold, padlock peak out from under Ripper’s t-shirt collar.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” The piercing blue/brown eyes were back on the Marauder.

With a crooked smile, Sirius mused, “Not as much as I’d like to know who carries the key to this lock.” 

Sirius reached forward, giving the gold lock a playful tug. Ripper’s hand came up to meet the Marauder’s, warm and firm, pressing it and the lock against his breastbone. Suddenly, Sirius could feel the prickle of magic around and through him. Through _them_. Everything seemed to carry a shimmering halo, including the intriguing young man who got thrown out of concerts in once breath, and made astrological Greek mythology jokes in the next. 

The maybe-not-a-muggle-after-all Ripper shifted away from the wall to face Sirius, his feet straddled the Marauder’s, leaving minuscule space between them. Sirius’ back was against the brick, still gripping the lock, fiercely meeting Ripper’s mischievous stare. He purposely prolonged the delicious tension surrounding them, enjoying how it seemed to feed off the crackling magic. 

“What was in that...” Sirius’ words felt like honey dripping off his tongue. The halo surrounding Ripper’s blue and brown eyes now flowered out into almost a constellation of past experiences. Sirius could see the map of the intensity behind the young man’s eyes; intricate patterns of similar symbols to the one on his arm made of darkest darks contrasting lightest lights. It nearly took his breath away.

Ripper confidently leaned in, his lips just shy of brushing Sirius’ as he breathed out, “Magic.”

Sirius grinned devilishly and tilted his head up, meeting Ripper’s lips in a fierce kiss, allowing him to steal what breath was left in the wizard’s expectant lungs. Ripper pressed into Sirius, deepening their kiss. Caught between the solid brick at Sirius’ back and the heat pouring from the want of Ripper’s body felt like the road paved with good intentions. 

_More_. That feeling consumed Sirius. 

Ripper’s mouth was unbidden, his tongue demanding and delicious. He made his pleasure known in a cascade of keening gasps and whispers. Sirius took great delight in each sound of pleasure, eagerly arching his back off the wall in response. Ripper’s hands immediately gripped the Marauder’s hips with a possessive pressure as Sirius’ fingers desperately tangled in his shaggy hair, still holding onto the lock around his neck as if it were an anchor in the rush of crashing intensity. Ripper began to grind his growing erection against Sirius’ quickly hardening length. The Marauder met Ripper’s lustful rhythm, the exquisite friction causing the wizard to break their kiss with a moan chasing panting breaths.

Not allowing that lack of contact to last more than a second, Rippers’ mouth was on Sirius’ again, capturing his rippling pleasure. He hungrily sucked the Marauder’s bottom lip between his teeth while Sirius desperately began to tug the leather of Ripper’s belt through its buckle -

“Ripper, love, it’s time to go.” An expectant, almost dangerous voice cut through their cresting energy, ceasing all movement besides deep, ragged breaths. 

Ripper let out a hiss of frustration through his teeth. Sirius opened his eyes just as his almost-lover was closing his, pressing their foreheads together. Ripper took a deep breath and angrily flipped off two fingers in the direction of the foreign voice.

“Sod off, _Ethan_.” His voice rang down the alley, husky with arousal and irritation.

“_Charming_, but really, the others are waiting and you know we can’t start without you…”

Sirius released the lock and pressed his hand firmly against Ripper’s breastbone. He could feel the young man’s heartbeat, see its pulse vibrate with the lingering effects of the dwindling magic. Slowly, he traced down Ripper’s taunt chest, pausing at his belt buckle before slipping a finger behind it to graze the peak of his pubic hair, evoking a sharp intake of air and a shuddering exhale.

Sirius whispered, “Ah, the keeper of the key appears.”

Ripper let out an exasperated laugh laced with crumbling denial. He pulled back slightly, meeting Sirius’ eyes with the beginnings of regret. The Marauder looped his finger through the chain of the lock again, drawing in the intriguing stranger for another searing kiss, relishing the feeling of Ripper’s full weight pressing against him, before he finally peeled off of Sirius and reluctantly made his way down the alley, kicking a can petulantly out of his way.

Sirius took a grounding breath, running both of his hands through his hair. While his cock ached with disappointment, he didn’t feel jealous at the rejection. His head felt surprisingly clear. It was as if the collision of his and Ripper’s intensities had burned through the masking buzz of all the substances he had imbibed that evening.

“Apologies Ripper, dear, he really is a pretty one, huh?” The distant sounds of Ripper meeting Ethan floated down the alley, through Sirius’ ears.

He looked up to the sky, resting his head against the brick. Sirius couldn’t make out the full constellation, but he could see the star of his namesake. He grinned to himself as a certain kind of satisfaction that paradoxically left him wanting more spread throughout his chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 house points if you caught the Buffy the Vampire Slayer universe cameo!   
Promise, we'll check in with Severus in the next chapter :)  
Thanks for reading!


	15. FIFTH YEAR - Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the radio silence - let's get back to these two finding their way to each other

tap tap tap

Severus tried to re-read a paragraph detailing the Tundra Battle of 576 ending the Ice Giant Wars for the fourth time. His usually eagerly focused mind refused to grasp the words.

_“You’re not pureblood either! You don’t think they haven’t noticed that? They’re using you, Sev!” _

_“I am HALF-blood and the mere fact that they do know that and are willing to look beyond it shows just how much Lucius believes in me!” _

Tap Tap Tap

Severus shook his head, attempting to push out the echoes of his and Lily’s last argument. Since his homework was not sufficiently distracting, it seemed the best he could strive for was emptiness between his temples. 

_“But that’s the point, don’t you see? I’m no less of a witch because my parents are muggles and you’re no less of a wizard cuz your mum’s a witch and your fath-”_

_“Do not for one second stand there and try to give my father an ounce of credit. Any success or talent I possess is in spite of, not because of him… you KNOW that Lily.” _

Severus let out a deep sigh. It took quite a lot of energy to try to maintain nothingness. He was failing at nothingness.

_“It doesn’t matter how talented you are, Sev. They will never see you as an equal. You’ll always be striving for their approval and they’ll never really give it to you.”_

_“Some are more understanding than you think. They aren’t punishing me for my mother’s mistake.”_

TAP TAP TAP

With a start, Severus finally noticed the owl at his window. He swiftly undid its latch, hoping his father hadn’t heard the tapping. It was two in the morning, but he still quickly untied the familiar cream envelope with veridian ink from the bird and hurriedly shooed it out into the summer night. He momentarily watched it soar away, wings illuminated by the full moonlight. 

Severus wasn’t one for coincidence, but it was very curious that his Hogwarts letter had always arrived in the middle of the night for the last five years. He was grateful regardless. 

Severus carefully tore open the crisp cardstock.

_“If by ‘they’ you mean Lucius, and I know you care for him, but I’m genuinely concerned he’s using your feelings to manipulate the situation. He’s in your head.”_

_“Wow…” Severus had been shocked beyond words at her blatant misunderstanding._

_“I’m just worried, Sev.”_

_“Worried about what?” Severus had defensively lashed out, “That I might actually find another friend besides YOU?”_

A small, green pin fell out of the envelope onto Severus’ desk as he pulled out his supply list. His breath caught in his chest as he reached for its silver back, not allowing himself to believe what it was until he turned it over and saw the reflective “P.” 

A sincere smile crossed Severus’ lips for the first time since his fight with Lily.

**-**

Sunlight streamed through the lace eyelets of his partially drawn curtains as the muffled beats of his parents’ current argument seeped under his bedroom door. It had been like this for almost an hour. The hunger in Severus’ stomach panged in protest, but there was no way he was going down to the kitchen and that crossfire.

Severus absentmindedly played with his Prefect badge while looking out his bedroom window, easily falling into his mind’s inner thoughts to block out the fighting downstairs. He knew this could be his bridge back to Lily, he just needed to talk to her. Severus was certain he could make her understand if she would just _talk_ to him.

His heart nearly lept out of his chest when he saw her familiar head of red hair heading down the hill - hunger immediately forgotten. She walked with purpose; Severus could feel the frustration in her footsteps. Something was off and no doubt she was on her way to the willow. He gave her a ten minute head start before mustering all the courage he possessed to sneak downstairs and make his way to the creek as well.

Lily swayed slightly on the swing, her feet dragging on the ground to keep her from fully taking off. There was no way she didn’t hear him approach with the gravel crunching under his Converse trainers. He took the fact that she didn’t get up and leave immediately as a positive sign. 

Severus drew even with her, staring at the swift water. “Everything alright, Lils?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she clipped in a low tone.

“Okay,” he whispered as he sat down on a patch of grass to her left.

They hung there in silence, the flowing water and insect noises cocooning their seemingly delicate truce. The lazy August air was almost too warm, but just right in the rustling shade of the willow. 

Severus held out as long as he could before tentatively breaking the silence, “Did you make Prefect?”

Lily let out a sardonic laugh, “Ha, _yeah_, I did.”

“Me too.” He smiled up at her, hoping to meet her eyes. 

Lily sighed deeply, absentmindedly pulling at the frayed fibers of the swing’s ropes, “Somehow, telling my parents this morning turned into an argument with Petunia about how this ‘magic nonsense’ will never amount to anything and I’m essentially ruining my future.”

Anger flared up in Severus’ chest, immediately wanting to defend her and that “magic nonsense.”

“Petunia has no idea what she’s talking about. She’s just jealous,” he muttered darkly. 

“Maybe…” Lily finally looked down at her friend, sadness welling up in her throat. How had her relationships with the two most important people in her world become so strained? All of this contention over the same thing - her magic.

Severus a little too eagerly changed the subject, “It’ll be great being Prefects though! Finally be able to bring some order to our year. Potter and his lot won’t be able to _charm_ their way out of trouble when I’m on duty.” 

_There were a few things Black could do to get out of trouble… _Severus privately shook _that_ unfortunately persistent thought from his mind. 

“Since you brought it up, I mean, you’ll find out soon enough anyway…” Lily finally met Severus’ eyes, “Remus made Prefect too,” she let out in a rush, anticipating the coming fallout. 

Fury burned through Severus’ core, “_What?_” His voice was quiet, barely keeping a lid on his anger, “_How_?”

“The same way you and I did; he earned it.”

“This must be a feeble attempt by Dumbledore to reign in goddamn Potter and Black…” Severus was no longer listening to Lily, “They’re just going to exploit this like every other loophole they find to get away with _Merlin_ knows what else!” He was seething, plummeting rapidly from the high of talking to his best friend again.

“I seriously doubt Professor Dumbledore would waste a Prefect appointment on the futile errand of controlling the Marauders.” Lily’s tone was cold and low again.

“The _Marauders?_ Since when do you call them that ridiculous nickname like one of their groupies?” Severus sneered, the heat in his voice only building.

“Christ, Sev, it’s not like I’m the president of their bloody fan club… ” Lily put her head in her hands. She was tired. Tired from her argument earlier with her sister. Tired already of this one she was about to have with her dearest friend.

“_No_, but you’re always quick to defend them, making excuses as to why - “

“Oh, you’re one to talk! _Excuses_? That’s your expertise Severus, very ‘pot calling the kettle black’ of you.” Lily’s tone darkened with frustration.

“Just because I don’t see the world quite as black and white, good and evil, as you _noble_ Gryffindors do…” Severus couldn’t help himself. He had wanted to come to this topic, just not in this way. Mirroring their last argument, it was spiralling out of his control.

Lily took a deep breath to prolong the inevitable, “For all the splendor in the shades of grey of this world, there are some truths of basic human decency that should not be up for debate.” 

“And there are some _truths_ about my reality that you just cannot understand,” Severus’ voice was cold now as well, “I _have to_ capitalize on every opportunity that I’m afforded,” his words splintered with determination. 

“Lucius Malfoy and his connections are not your only ticket out of that house, Sev.” 

The tender honesty in her words grated against his determination. It was too much for Severus. He couldn’t hold the mental balancing act compartmentalizing these paradoxical parts of his life. Severus immediately felt himself closing down, his chest tightening with suppressed emotion. 

“If you would just _listen_ to me, Lils, he’s not - “

“Enough.” Lily’s cheeks streaked with tears, “I’m not _listening_ to one more excuse about Malfoy. He genuinely believes in pureblood superiority and dehumanizing those who aren’t - which includes you and me,” she stood up, looking over the creek. “I know you’re not stupid, which means that you understand this, and it’s still not important enough to cut ties with him and whoever he’s connected to.”

“It’s not that simple…” Severus was quiet now, fear of what was about to happen washed over his whole being. _FIX THIS,_ his heart screamed, but his mind was panicked, scattered. 

“But it is. That kind of bigoted thinking becomes dangerous action.” Her last words came out in an exhausted whisper, “I’m so tired, I-I can’t do this anymore, Sev.” 

Lily began to walk away.

“Please_, Lily_.” Severus choked out. His head hung in defeat as he listened to her delicate footsteps fade down the path, mixing with the rush of the creek. Eventually, he could only hear the water’s swift rhythm. 

**\-----------**

The soft forest floor, peppered with crisp, fallen leaves, seemed to spring under the pads of Sirius’ feet as he ran. Partial moonlight through the branches above lit his path over fallen logs and around possibly pernicious plants. The cool night air felt cleansing in his lungs. Midnight walks to appease his occasional insomnia had become infinitely better since Sirius had been able to sustain his animagus transformation as Padfoot. 

Besides, the first full moon of the school year was in four days; _technically_, this was practice for keeping a full grown werewolf in check. 

Even over the summer, running around at ungodly hours as Padfoot had been Sirius’ go to for alleviating his racing mind. The canine mindset was a welcome affront of senses: smells that told a story, sounds that crystallized the space around him, and the exhilarating feeling of a different body’s muscles, strong and agile. Everything was so _present_ as a dog, allowing escape from reimagining the past and visions of various futures. 

This particular evening, it had been the replaying of an altercation with a group of Slytherins that prompted Sirius stealing away to the dark grounds as Padfoot. A run in with Slytherins was nothing new - Regulus being involved, however, was a first.

_“Mum’s right, you’re a complete, fucking waste of the Black family name.” _

_Sirius had been shocked; not about hearing his mother’s words coming out of his brother’s mouth, but that her sentiment was there in his voice - He meant it._

_Maybe he shouldn’t have left for the Potters’ that summer..._

_Maybe he also shouldn’t have just reacted, taken a moment when James reached for him._

_Instead, he had swiftly struck Regulus’ painfully similar jaw without a word. All hell had kind of broken loose after that. _

The feeling of the crack of his knuckles floated up, only to be quickly pushed out by a new stimuli. It was the spice of potion ingredients, the comfort of parchment and ink, and also… sorrow? Sirius was close to the Black Lake’s edge, definitely the source of the notable scent. He was immediately intrigued - whomever (for it was a person) smelled of how a deep part of Sirius felt. 

He could smell feelings? No matter the hour, when he got back to his dormitory room he would have to tell his fellow Marauders about this new discovery.

At the edge of the Forbidden Forest, Sirius quietly observed the fascinating dark figure sitting at the Black Lake’s shore. Their head hung low, light hands cradling their temples, with their elbows braced against their knees. The onyx black surface reflected the clear, nearly blue moonlight, with occasional rippling disturbances in the otherwise smooth water. The comforting and familiar scent was now accompanied by the sound of holding back tears and their reluctant release. The combination of stimuli encompassed Sirius, strumming at the ache in his heart he was trying to run from this evening. He felt an undeniable pull to investigate further.

Sirius left the cover of the forest, delicately approaching the sitting figure. Their pale hands released, and in doing so, revealed their profile - _Snape._

Sirius abruptly stopped. He suddenly felt as if he was seeing something he wasn’t supposed to in the pit of his stomach. That was immediately snuffed out by seething anger as his mind automatically ran through a number of schemes he could finagle with the outcome of Snivellus ending up in the lake. Those thoughts vanished as well though, as the smell/feeling of sadness made itself known again. Sirius focused on that feeling, allowing it to eclipse his mind. The pull towards Snape returned. The Marauder couldn’t help but follow that draw of curiosity coupled with the hum of knowing recognition.

Snape was clearly deep in thought and didn’t notice the large, black dog approaching him until Padfoot/Sirius was a few yards away. Fear flashed over his face, and for a split second Sirius thought he had scared him off. But Snape stayed seated, tense and eyes wide. Padfoot/Sirius wagged his tail and sat, briefly wondering why he was intentionally trying to ease the fear of Severus Snape of all people.

At no point, however, did Sirius consider _leaving_ the situation. 

Snape’s shoulders relaxed into a hunch that looked more like defeat. He wiped the trail of tears from his cheeks and hesitated for a moment before extending his open palm to the intimidatingly large, shaggy dog. 

“Alright pup, if you’re a Grimm, make it quick then,” he said with a hollow laugh to what he thought was only himself.

Sirius cocked his head in confusion - since when did Snivellus have any semblance of a sense of humor? It was also well past curfew - what was this obnoxious, know-it-all, stickler-for-the-rules doing out of bed so late? Padfoot/Sirius trotted the remaining distance between them. He gently sniffed Snape’s hand, the spice of potions, parchment, and familiar ache engulfed him. Snape scratched behind Padfoot/Sirius’ ear and the amount of comfort that elicited was too much to analyze in the moment. Sirius was done trying to reconcile what he knew of Snape and what was currently happening. It felt like a strange moment of reprieve, completely outside of their normal lives. If Sirius was lucky, this was all just a bizarre fever dream. 

Severus let out a sigh of relief as he petted the strange, enormous, black dog that appeared out of the Forbidden Forest. His logical mind knew it was a miracle he hadn’t been mauled on the spot, but he was too emotionally exhausted to worry about it. It’d been so long since he’d had a moment of true support since he and Lily were no longer really speaking.

Tears burned the edges of his eyes again.

Sirius too easily relaxed into the role of companion dog. He sensed Snape’s rising emotion, and looked up into the Slytherin’s hurting eyes. They were raw with vulnerability and an uninhibited intensity that shot through Sirius’ being. It cracked open every memory he had of Severus Snape, as if he was seeing him for the very first time. 

**-**

Sirius quietly slipped into their bedroom, trying not to disturb his friends. He deposited the invisibility cloak into James’ open trunk, and dropped his clothing to the floor as he disrobed in the few steps to his bed. He slid between his soft, burgundy sheets, relishing their feeling and weight against his bare skin. His body was always a little hypersensitive the hour or so after transforming back from Padfoot - as if remembering how to exist in human form. 

He closed his eyes and could only see Snape’s sharp onyx ones burning with intensity. He could feel the sorrow radiating from the Slytherin. Sirius hadn’t wanted to look away, that knowing recognition igniting his vicious curiosity.

The ‘smelling emotions’ conversation would have to wait for another day… 

**-**

Under the green velvet canopy of his four poster bed, Severus wondered if he had imagined the black dog by the lake. _Full on hallucinations would be tricky to navigate on top of everything else_, he thought.

He couldn’t deny that he felt better. The ache in his chest had quieted to a sad kind of calm. He didn’t get to evaluate that fully though, as sleep took him before his mind had a chance to notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
I hope everyone is staying safe and well out there <3


	16. FIFTH YEAR - Part III

“Settle down class, yes, settle down. Today we will be tackling the Calming Draught, please turn to page twenty-two.” The Potions classroom filled with the opening of heavy textbooks, shuffling of parchment, and ink bottle tops unscrewing.

Sirius scratched a few notes in good faith at the beginning of Slughorn’s lecture. Five minutes in, however, and his attention wandered elsewhere. He was looking-but-not-looking at Snape on the other side of the room. 

He and James did that often enough, nothing out of the ordinary. Well, James wasn’t looking _with_ Sirius, he was busy drawing out quidditch plays for next week’s practice. Thankfully Remus and Peter were taking reasonably diligent notes - Sirius would have to borrow them for the sixteen inches of homework they were being assigned. Maybe if he did the outline, Moony would be gracious enough to fill in the details… 

Speaking of note taking, Snape seemed to be writing a novel over there. He was clearly fully engaged, moving between actively listening to their boisterous professor and checking his textbook. His shoulder-length black hair was pulled into a low ponytail, with a few loose, shorter pieces free that he repeatedly tucked behind his ear, quill still in hand. His long frame seemed tense, not with fear like the previous night on the lake, but with excitement and anticipation.

Sirius couldn’t recall a single time he’d been that fully engaged with _anything_ in class over the last four years. He knew that fervor though, it just came out in his own projects; like the animagis research, planning elaborate adventures and pranks, or finding ways to maneuver around Kreacher’s house-elf magic… 

Sirius also couldn’t help but take note that Snape was sitting without his normal, odd-couple Potions’ partner. Evans was currently whispering with Miel, seated at the table in front of Sirius and James. 

_Interesting_.

“This potion requires a certain degree of concentration, best not waste any time! I thought we would change things up a bit today; here are your assigned lab partners…” Slughorn flicked his wand at the chalkboard, dissolving the Calming Draught bullet points into a list of student pairs. The entire class groaned; they hadn’t had assigned partners since third year. 

“I think this is our fault,” Remus said under his breath to the Marauders. All the pairs were inter-house, which for this class meant Gryffindor/Slytherin. 

“Bloody hell, why do the professors always do this? It was just a little _misunderstanding_…” James began to gather his quidditch notes, “... as if doing school work together is going to cure the Slytherin lot of being complete and utter arseholes.”

“Shit, Pads, you’re with Snivellus,” Peter pointed out with an accusatory finger at the blackboard. James laughed sarcastically while Remus just shook his head. 

“Just don’t blow up the whole damn classroom, Sirius.”

“No, no PLEASE do that!” James said gleefully as he got up to join his assigned partner, Patricia Parkinson, who actually seemed pleased as punch with her pairing.

Sirius smoothly smiled, “Are you kidding me? Snivellus’ll do all the work, this is about to be the easiest ‘O’ I’ve ever gotten in Potions.” He slid off his seat, textbook in hand. His smug smile held another significance entirely that his friends had no way of detecting.

Severus couldn’t tear his eyes away from the list of brewing pairs. 

_Evans & Mulciber _

His mind just couldn’t believe he wasn’t partnered with Lily, especially since today was apparently an exercise in inter-house team building. Unless… she requested _not_ to be paired with him. Severus’ stomach dropped out at the thought. This was his last vestige of connection to her. Even without any direct evidence, it rang blatantly true.

The empty pit in Severus’ stomach was abruptly replaced by panic when he saw the swaggering figure of Sirius Black heading straight towards him out of the corner of his eye. He hadn’t fully registered Black as his assigned partner until the arrogant prat (with that irritatingly exquisite bone structure) was dropping his textbook on the desk with an unnecessarily loud thud.

“It’s not my first choice either, Snivelly, but let’s just get this over with.” Black gracefully slumped onto the open stool, casually folding his arms across his chest. His crimson and gold tie was loosened at the knot (come to think of it, Severus wasn’t sure he’d ever seen it done up properly), exposing part of his collarbone. Severus let out a huff of frustration as his heartbeat picked up of its own volition. 

“As long as you follow _exactly_ what I say, we just might make it out of this hour without hexing each other to dust,” the corner of Sirius’ mouth ticked up at Snape’s firey words, “I’m not accepting a drop in my grade just because I got paired with your incompetent arse.” Severus’ eyes narrowed, their fury searing into Sirius’ before storming away to collect the necessary ingredients.

Sirius sat there in strange delight. Getting a rise out of Snape had always been, at the very least, an enjoyable pastime, and at the most, a fitting outlet for suppressed anger. But now a part of him was chasing that deep intensity he knew was there, humming beneath the surface. Sirius’ voracious curiosity eclipsed any part of him that may have had the sense to ask _why._

**-**

Two steps into the Calming Draught, Sirius was sequestered to keeping his hands off the ingredients and only reading directions aloud from their textbook. While he still gave plenty of lip, Severus was mildly surprised that Black had accepted his request. Well, not really a request, more like a frustrated order accompanied by a bat bogey hex threat, but still.

“I think you may have missed some mucus in there, Snivelly,” Sirius teased as Snape discarded the empty Flobberworm carcass. “You suuure you don’t want any help?”

“If I want Flobberworm guts all over my robes, I’ll be sure to enlist your services, thank you,” Severus clipped as he lanced the second blubus worm.

“You never know, I might have a hidden talent for extracting disgusting mucus from all manner of worms, insects, and arachnids alike,” Sirius was down right grinning, “You’re hindering greatness here.” 

“Such a tragedy,” Severus drawled as he moved on to the Valerian sprigs. There was a distinct change in Black’s tone, it was almost playful? Certainly irritating and incredibly distracting. Severus purposefully kept his eyes on the task at hand; it was hard enough focusing when he could practically feel every time Black fidgeted in his seat. It was as if the space between them had substance, a vibration that refused to let Severus ignore it.

At least he wasn’t focusing on Lily across the room.

**-**

“Are you lost, Evans?” Lily let out an unamused breath as she sat in the open seat just vacated by Crabbe. “I mean, isn’t your pet snake over there?”

Her emerald eyes strayed three tables back to the apprehensive Severus and mischievous Sirius. The dull ache in her heart panged but she also suppressed a tiny smile at the pairing; _Christ, I hope they don’t blow up the whole classroom._

“Clearly I wasn’t partnered with Severus today, Mulciber,” Lily said evenly as she began lighting the burner beneath the cauldron.

“If it’s all the same to you, we could switch. I’d prefer not to work with a mud-” 

“Watch you fuckin’ mouth there, _mate,_” James Potter cut in, appearing seemingly out of nowhere at Lily’s back. She bristled, her fingers compressed into fists.

“Whoa, no offense meant!” Nicholas Mulciber smiled slyly, “Just thought you’d like to work with your pussy-whipped Snape. No need to call in the bodyguard.” Lily scoffed at the sheer volume of inaccuracies in those three, short sentences.

“Working with or without Severus is about as inconsequential to me as the price of newt eyes in Constantinople. Sorry, Mulciber, guess you’re stuck with me today.” Lily pushed past James towards the ingredients table, “Go back to your own table, Potter.”

“So the rumors are true…” Nicholas muttered to himself in a satisfied tone.

“Wait, you’re not friends with Snivellus anymore?!” James exclaimed.

**-**

Severus read their entire next assignment in an attempt to ignore Black while the potion simmered. It was about fifty percent successful; he still stole glances at the Marauder around every other sentence. Placing his textbook on the table, he stood, “Do not touch anything, it has another 12 minutes to brew. I’ll be right back.”

Black mimed knocking over the cauldron, Severus’ eyes darkened, and the Marauder threw his hands up in mock surrender with a crooked smile. He then stretched said hands above his head, one lacing its fingers around the other’s wrist as he arched to the side. Severus swallowed dryly as an image of utilizing Black’s red and gold tie in a much more imaginative way flashed across his mind - yeah, he needed some fresh air.

“Do hurry back, don’t know if I can handle watching a pot literally boil without your supervision.” 

Snape audibly tsked as he walked away. Sirius popped up on the corner of the table, legs swinging gently. He had that slightly (well, more like _very_) smug feeling of knowing something others do not. He was going to crack this Snape enigma, he knew it.

Across the room, James was clearly trying to chat up a visibly annoyed Evans, while Parkinson sat on her stool staring daggers at the red headed Gryffindor. It was astounding just how oblivious his best friend could be at times. _Maybe his gravity defying hair blocks out common sense_, thought Sirius. 

He continued to stare until James noticed, smiling widely at his fellow Marauder, still unaware of his lab partner’s clear frustration. James mimicked an explosion, complete with sound effects, followed by a hopeful thumbs up. Sirius just laughed and shook his head, making an “O” with his fingers while looking through it like a monocle. He nodded poinently towards Parkinson, only then did James seem to remember she was there. He enthusiastically returned to whatever was happening in their smoking cauldron.

Both Peter and Remus were working as well; neither responded to Sirius’ staring/attempted telepathy. His attention turned back to the happily bubbling cauldron and Snape’s open textbook next to it. There were numerous scribbles and notes in the margins. Sirius curiously slid it across the table. He would not have pegged Snape as one to write in books, more of an, even-underlining-would-be-sacrilege type. But the margins were full of notes, ideas of how to improve the potions, references to other texts and spells, etc. The entire first three chapters were marked up and half of the fourth. _Merlin’s beard, it’s only our second week_, Sirius thought. He was utterly fascinated; the textbook felt lived in, as if Snape was trying to unlock its hidden secrets. 

Sirius turned to the Calming Draught instructions, “13.) Stir 7 times, clockwise _~ 3 CW, 1 CC, 3 CW ~ extend SL?_” It was the only alteration note for their potion. Since instructions were the sole part Sirius had been allowed to participate in (he was by no means complaining), he knew they hadn’t reached this step yet. _What’s “extend SL?” _ he wondered just as the author of the note returned.

Severus snatched his textbook out of Black’s hands, snapping it shut, “What the hell are you doing?” he hissed defensively.

“What’s ‘extend SL’?” Sirius bypassed explanations, he was genuinely curious. He wanted to know the code.

“None of your business, and why were you reading my textbook anyway? You have one of your _own_.” Severus hugged the book to his chest, as if it were precious and Black was a dragon about to incinerate it. 

Sirius brushed off explaining again, pushing with slight impatience, “Stir three times clockwise, once counterclockwise, then three times clockwise, but what is ‘extend SL’? What do you think that will do instead of the recommended seven times clockwise?”

Severus was a little unnerved and mildly impressed that Black had deduced that from his scratched note. With a furrowed brow he hesitantly replied, “Extend shelf life. The fourth stir counterclockwise might extend the potion’s shelf life.”

“Why?” Sirius had slid off the table and the two wizards were now crowded over their cauldron. This close, Sirius felt a light humming energy encouraged by a warm whiff of parchment and potion ingredients. He subconsciously avoided dwelling on that familiar feeling. 

“It’s just a hypothesis. Changing the fourth of the final seven stirs of a Forgetful Potion extends its shelf life,” Severus was baffled at Black’s honest interest. “They both contain Valerian sprigs. I’m wondering if there’s a connection.” This was also the longest they had ever gone without at least one of them insulting the other.

“We’ve got to try it!” Sirius’ eyes were alight with pure excitement and determination. For just a second, Severus allowed himself to take in their silver-grey gleam and a part of him began to melt. His logical mind was slipping fast, clinging to anxiety that just didn’t hold the same power as Black’s infectious enthusiasm. _What the fuck is going on?, _passed through the Slytherin’s mind.

“No, it’s an idea for later. I’ll make this again, probably this weekend, and try it on a discardable batch.” Severus stared at his textbook, trying to conceal a smile.

“You’re bloody batshit if you think I’m coming here over the weekend,” Sirius deadpanned. “You said it worked on that other one, chances are it’ll work with this one too. Come on, Snape, live a little!” He lightly shook Severus’ shoulder, making the Slytherin’s breath catch in his throat.

Severus briefly wondered if he had fallen asleep during Slughorn’s lecture and wandered into a completely alternate universe.

“Fine, but if it’s ruined, I’m telling Professor that you fucked it up.”

Black genuinely laughed, it sounded like the warmth of a crackling fire and the courage of a first kiss, only exacerbating Severus’ internal melting.

“Okay, _deal_,” Sirius grinned, incredibly pleased with himself. He ran his finger down his textbook’s directions, “Alright, next up, it’s the Valerian sprigs big show, four of them, go!” 

**-**

“Excellent work gentlemen! I knew this meeting of minds would rise to the challenge.” Professor Slughorn squinted at their perfectly purple Calming Draught (with an added six months of shelf life) before setting the vile on the table and moving on to their neighboring students.

**\-----------**

“Circle up gents, we’ve got to get this month’s schedule nailed down.” James sat in the middle of his four-poster bed with papers and various playbooks surrounding him - left hand carded absentmindedly through his tangle of hair. This was about as studious as he got.

Peter promptly hopped on the bed, awkwardly pulling out a couple pages of parchment he had accidently sat on. Sirius easily swung around a pole of the canopy before settling at the corner of the bed, leaninging against the carved, wooden post. Remus remained at his desk.

“It’s honestly not necessary - really, you guys don’t need to plan _your_ weeks around…”

“Nope, Moony, I don’t have time for the self-deprecating parade today,” James said with a wry smile, “Last week was awesome, you did so much better, end of discussion.”

“I know, but I don’t ever want you all to feel obligated, like you have to deal with my -”

“...furry little problem?” Sirius chimed in. It was really very endearing when Remus tried to refuse their help, as if he wasn’t the grounding cornerstone of the Marauders. “We know we don’t _have_ to, we _want_ to, and there’s simply nothing you can do about it.” The three on the bed nodded emphatically. Remus shook his head slightly, but seemed to surrender the point. 

“Besides, you have the most important piece of information: the Prefect Patrol Schedule.” James grinned devilishly, and Remus tried not to smile as he faux-begrudgingly made his way to join the others, list in hand. 

“I’m trying to work in an extra quidditch practice Sunday afternoons… Padfoot, you’ve got to be on your best behavior around the Slytherins,” Sirius shot his friend a look of disgust with a side of disbelief, “I know the other day was _totally justified_, but still, you can’t be racking up detentions, keeping you off the pitch…”

“I’m sorry, but have you met me? More to the point, have you met _you_? Are you feeling okay?” Sirius reached over to feel James’ forehead, who lazily swatted his hand away as they all broke out into laughter.

“Okay, okay, _better_ behavior… less _end-up-in-McGonagall’s-office_ behavior? I’m going to try my best as well, we all will!” James had all the optimistic enthusiasm of a New Year's resolution on January 1st.

Sirius looked pleadingly to Remus and Peter, neither coming to his aide, “I miss Matilda, at least she never tried to change who I am in the depths of my soul, all for a _game_!” he exasperated dramatically.

“I give it a week before you’re both in McGonagall’s office.” 

“Five galleons says a week for Padfoot, two for Prongs.”

“You’re on, Wormtail,” Remus shook a giggling Peter’s hand in a very business-like manner.

“Do not misunderstand me; I’m not saying no mischief and mayhem this year, just that we need to be a little smarter about it. Which should be no problem, since we now have a man on the inside.” James looked positively giddy. 

Sirius slightly zoned out as James and Remus actually got around to talking through the month’s logistics. It kind of didn’t matter, Prongs would tell him when and where he absolutely _needed_ to be. He was like a walking daily planner - who got you into trouble and stole your smokes.

Speaking of, Sirius _Accio-ed_ his cigarettes from the leather jacket hanging haphazardly out of his trunk. He pulled two from the half-full pack, retrieved his silver Zippo from his back pocket, and lit them both. Simultaneously, James expectantly reached out for one of said cigarettes, as Remus cast an air purifying charm - all without pausing their conversation. Sirius smirked, took a final pull of both, and passed one to James. He watched the smoke of his exhale float through the burgundy canopy above. Sirius turned to Peter, raising an inquisitive eyebrow whilst holding up the _Embassy_ pack. Peter smiled and nodded, catching the pack and lighter when Sirius tossed them to him. 

Sirius took a deep drag as he shifted on the bed, casually fingering through the various papers. He snagged the Prefect patrol schedule, his curiosity spiking as he searched for a particular name… 

Severus Snape had rounds the following evening.

_Interesting_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
I hope everyone is staying safe and well out there


	17. FIFTH YEAR - Part IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a minute - time has kind of lost all meaning over the last few months - anyone else, or just me?  
Regardless, please enjoy this next installment <3

“Mate, I’m _telling_ you, they aren’t friends anymore!” James said for about the fifteenth time that evening.

“They haven’t been sitting together in Potions... ” Peter added in a very knowing tone.

“She really didn’t seem like she wanted to work with him on the Calming Drought, _seriously_ Moony.” James enthusiastically whispered. 

“All valid points,” Remus conceded as he lazily turned the page of a book he was trying to read, “I just don’t understand why you’re treating this like the caper of the century, Prongs.”

James leaned almost too far back in his chair, “It changes _everything_ if that sniveling snake isn’t hissing in her ear anymore!”

Normally, Sirius would have gleefully egged James on in the “Are Lily and Snivellus Still Friends” debate, but he was restless, quietly distracted, and constantly checking the grandfather clock on the other side of the common room. 

“Ah, of course, Snape is the _sole_ reason Evans won’t go out with you,” Remus chuckled sarcastically. 

“He could’ve had her under some sort of spell - Imperious or something!” Peter quipped.

“Great idea, Wormy, I wouldn’t put it past Snivellus.” James said with blind earnestness. 

_Is that what this is..._ briefly skimmed through Sirius’ mind. He glanced at the grandfather clock again. Its hands seemed to refuse to move, was the damn thing broken? 

“This sounds like second year when you lot thought he was putting Amortentia in her morning pumpkin juice,” Remus said while begrudgingly snapping his book shut.

“I know it sounds crazy, but you’ve got to admit, something is different between them.” James grinned at finally having Remus’ undivided attention.

“Fine, sure, I’m just not keen on wasting time trying to figure out what goes on in Severus Snape’s head,” Remus began.

“But that’s the thing, Moon-”

“_AND_ in doing so,” Remus interrupted, “how that’s supposed to help get you laid.”

Peter cracked up while James shook his head, but smirking all the same. Remus looked to Sirius for any affirmation, but found his friend vacantly staring across the room, seemingly having missed their conversation entirely.

_Rounds are over in 10 minutes…_ In that moment, Sirius resigned himself in failing to ignore the persistent idea at the back of his mind.

He snapped his attention back to his friends, finally speaking “You know, I think I have a way for us to figure this out once and for all.” His fellow Marauders leaned in expectantly before Sirius yelled across the room, “Hey Evans! Are you and Snape still secretly sucking face or what?!”

The boisterous common room went absolutely silent for a moment as everyone’s eyes turned to Lily. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t see how that’s any of your fucking business, Black.” Lily retorted, the heat of embarrassment and ache in her heart rising to her cheekbones. 

“So you were, like, sucking face at some point though?” James jumped in, “Cause I just want to sincerely congratulate you on finally getting that leech off your truly, beautiful face.”

“Shut it, Potter, you have no idea what you’re talking about!” Miel said, immediately coming to Lily’s defense.

The entire Gryffindor common room erupted in speculative chatter, the growing energy and volume only feeding the Lily/James argument that Sirius had catalyzed. Remus and Sirius held back; the former tucking his feet beneath him on the couch, grateful to finally focus on his book.

“I’m going out for a walk,” Sirius muttered to Remus as he pulled on his leather jacket. Moony raised a curious scar spliced eyebrow without looking up from his book, hesitating only for a moment before handing Sirius his rucksack.

“Take the cloak,” Remus said under his breath. Sirius rummaged through the bag, located the invisibility cloak, and casually slipped it into his inner jacket pocket.

Once the portrait hole closed on the common room chaos, Sirius pulled the cloak over himself. In his mind, he was going out to the grounds, however, his feet were taking him elsewhere.

**-**

Severus walked slowly down an empty corridor to the dungeons. His Prefect partner for the evening, Xenophilius Lovegood, had just parted to make his way up to the Ravenclaw tower. 

Besides Severus internally lamenting that Lovegood wasn’t Lily, their rounds had actually been reasonably pleasant. They didn’t catch anyone snogging in hallway corners and Peeves hadn’t made an appearance. The seventh year Ravenclaw was a little aloof and eccentric, but didn’t treat Severus with disdain either. 

As he pondered the piecemeal evidence of Lovegood’s Wrackspurts conspiracy theory, Severus was suddenly struck by the unmistakable smell of cigarettes. For a second he thought of all his housemates that could be, but almost as quickly dismissed the idea - no self respecting Slytherin would smoke in the halls (let alone after curfew) without the forethought of implementing an air purifying charm. 

Severus stalked past the entrance to his common room, following the tobacco down the corridor. His curiosity was genuinely peaked by who would be idiotic enough to blatantly smoke in the dungeon hallways at midnight on a Wednesday. Most likely, it was a couple of foolish first years; about to receive their first detention and a lesson in the importance of covering your tracks. 

As Severus rounded the corner, he was met with the answer in a truly unexpected form - a completely unfazed Sirius Black, casually leaning against the wall. Black looked unfairly delectable in his leather jacket with the guilty cigarette bringing too much attention to his lips.

“Evening, Snivellus,” Sirius grinned as he took a drag. Severus felt the betrayal of his heart as it’s pace quickened. His skin hummed. He took a deep breath through his nose as his dark eyes narrowed. 

“What the actual fuck are you doing down here?” Severus spat. Black was the absolute last person he expected to see in this position. Mainly because it mirrored one too many of Severus’ fantasies that began with an equally unbelievable premise.

“Just out for a walk.” 

Black looked pretty fucking comfortable - as if he had no intention of _walking_ anywhere. He always looked like that, truthfully. This both infuriated Severus and made him want to replace the cigarette with his tongue. 

Severus strode towards Black, the humming increasing with the click of every step. This time, Sirius took acute note of the all too familiar growing charge in the air. The Marauder smirked, pleased that his instincts had been correct. His conscious mind had remained willfully ignorant of what he really wanted until the moment it was happening, but the part of his being that blindly followed challenge and desire was on fire. 

“You going to write me up, Snivelly?” Sirius’ eyes smoldered with mischief and sparked with something unrecognizable to Severus. He had the distinct impression that Black _wanted_ to be caught down here. This made zero sense.

“Smoking, out past curfew, _and_ taunting an enemy that has the power to give you a detention? Are you a glutton for punishment or just incredibly stupid?” Severus’ icy tone just barely concealed his true want burning beneath the surface. 

Sirius moved away from the wall towards Severus. The tension between them rippled his skin, fueling his pursuit of the intensity he knew was there. His piercing strom-grey eyes locked onto the Slytherin’s as he nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders.

“Depends on the punishment.” 

Severus could feel the falter in his facade reflect on his face. His breath came out in a shaky exhale. _There’s no way this is actually happening, _fluttered across his mind. Severus couldn’t pull his eyes away from Sirius’, refusing to be the one who broke first. For a moment, it dawned on him that this all might be an elaborate prank and he braced himself for goddamn Potter to jump out of the supply closet.

This close, Sirius could smell the captivating spice of potion ingredients and the comfort of fresh ink on parchment clouding his senses in the best way possible. He watched a flicker of the penetrating vulnerability he was searching for appear in Severus’ onyx eyes, before it slipped into almost fear. Sirius’ mouth parted in protest, he wanted that vulnerability back. He swiftly reacted, his body choosing before his mind had a say - 

Sirius leaned forward, pressing an earnest kiss to Severus’ gobsmacked mouth, hoping to draw out that exposed intensity once again. His lips were soft, far more gentle than they had any right to be given the tension at their back. Sirius paused, allowing Severus to fill the poignant space with a breath saturated in desire. Sirius flicked the end of his cigarette to the floor before reaching up to lightly graze his thumb along the edge of Snape’s jawline.

Severus shivered under Sirius’ touch. All he could do was feel, his mind caught in shock the second Black kissed him. Sirius’ warmth was irresistibly enticing. Severus began to ease into their kiss, tentatively parting his mouth. He swore he could feel Black smile against his lips. 

Severus’ mind kept him still; its last shadow of influence in this rapidly unravelling situation. He felt acutely aware of his body, yet not in control of it the second he released the final thread of reservation he’d clung to.

_Fuck it._

Severus swiftly fisted Sirius’ jacket, pushing him against the wall with a little more force than was strictly necessary. He ravaged those too-soft lips, demanding that they be honest, not playing coy as if they weren’t on the precipice of something neither could ever take back. Sirius let out a groan of satisfaction, his firm hands immediately in the Slytherin’s jet-black hair, allowing its full length to fall from its leather tie. Echoes of their years of animosity funnelled into the ferocity of the present moment, engulfing Sirius in a rush he was more than happy to surrender to. He had cracked the door to this rabbit hole, and now Severus was hurling them down it. 

Severus’ mouth urgently devoured teeth, tongue, lips, whatever Sirius would give him - as if at any moment the Marauder would evaporate in his hands. Sirius tasted of lust and honey, he smelled of tobacco and worn in leather, and felt like a live wire sparking beneath Severus. He used his height on Sirius to maintain the upper hand, even though internally he was coming apart. Sensing the shift in Severus’ energy, Sirius broke their kiss, his sharp grey eyes flashed absolute mischief as he gripped the Slytherin’s elbow, pulling him into a neighboring supply closet.

Severus had barely shut the door when Sirius was on him. His hands eagerly pulled at the Slytherin’s perfectly tucked in shirt, his mouth capturing Severus’ gasps of pleasure as his deft fingers snaked down the sides of his ribs and around his arching back. Severus followed Sirius’ lead, taking hold of the Gryffindor’s sloppily undone tie, finally able to put it to good use. Sirius let out a low growl and released Severus’ panting mouth, moving across his jaw and down the length of his neck. Through their lust haze, Severus mustered the sense to find his wand, and as Sirius switched from kissing to _biting_, the Slytherin let out his moan in the form of a silencing charm.

“Good call,” Sirius murmured against Severus’ pulse point. The Marauder’s mouth quickly continued its campaign of nipping and sucking, blooming purple across Severus’ pale neck in its ravenous wake. Severus involuntarily bucked his aching erection against Sirius’ hip with a low moan as his hands scrambled for purchase trying to shove off the leather jacket. His skin burned with the need to touch as much of Sirius as possible. If this was his only chance to do this, he was going to make it worth his while. 

As his leather jacket frantically fell from his shoulders, Sirius pulled away momentarily. He saw the slightest flicker of worry skate through Severus’ eyes, as if he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. A crack of warmth for the confusing Slytherin bloomed in his chest as Sirius fisted the back of his shirt and pulled it over his head, tie and all.

_THAT’s why he never fully does up his tie knot..._

Severus had never seen anyone or anything quite so beautiful, not even in his most imaginative dreams starring the infuriating Gryffindor over the last few months. His kiss-bitten mouth fell a bit slack as he absentmindedly undid his green and silver tie. Severus unabashedly drank in every detail of Sirius’ strong, lean frame as his fingers fumbled with his last few shirt buttons still holding on. 

“Don’t look so surprised, pet,” Sirius cooed as he took over undoing Severus’ buttons. His lips lazily pressed against Severus’, his tongue indulgently exploring. He sucked the Slytherin’s bottom lip between his eager teeth as Severus ran hungry hands over Sirius’ newly exposed back and stomach. Sirius pressed into Severus, the heat of his chest engulfing the Slytherin’s core, his body fully succumbing to the moment. Desire surged through Severus, his fingertips couldn’t touch enough of Sirius, his tongue couldn’t taste enough, he couldn’t pluck enough lustful notes from the Marauder’s delicious mouth. 

Sirius revelled in Severus’ unleashed intensity, a feeling of triumph coursing through his veins alongside adrenaline and aphrodisia. Severus’ demanding lips were now on Sirius’ neck as the Marauder grinned to himself before quickly undoing the Slytherin’s silver belt buckle. In one swift movement, Sirius bypassed the possible teasing and pauses of reservation as he slipped his hand behind the elastic of boxers and wrapped his fingers around Severus. The Slytherin took in a sharp inhale, one hand coming up to his chest, the other gripping Sirius’ silken, raven hair. Sirius kissed him gently, just to remind him to breathe, as he slowly palmed Severus’ foreskin back.

“Merlin, _Black_,” Severus rasped, Sirius’ surname coming out as almost a plea. Pleasure rocked up and down Severus’ spine as Sirius skillfully pumped his throbbing cock while simultaneously grinding the hard line of his own erection against the Slytherin’s thigh. Severus fumbled slightly with Sirius’ trouser zipper in his haste to have the Marauder join him. He returned to Sirius’ mouth, their heated kiss steadying him somehow as his long fingers freed Sirius’ heavy erection through the open seam of his underwear.

The feeling of Sirius’ hard, unapologetic heat was almost too much, the exhilaration going straight to Severus’ nearly overwhelming arousal. On cue, Sirius’ wave of intensity returned, as he feverly worked Severus’ cock while thrusting his own into the Slytherin’s tight fist. Severus easily fell into the rhythm Sirius set; turning his wrist to round his palm over the Marauder’s swollen gland every time he pushed through Severus’ eager hand. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Severus mantra-ed as his head fell to Sirius’ shoulder, the tirade of curses coming out ragged and raw. 

“Godrick, _yes_, come on, I _want_ _you_ to,” Sirius whispered against Severus’ ear, immediately pushing the Slytherin over the edge. All the tension Severus normally held in his body released, leaving his limbs shaking as euphoria engulfed every fiber of his being.

Watching Severus cum completely undone under Sirius’ fingertips was about the most glorious thing he’d ever witnessed. The satisfaction of drawing out Severus’ raw vulnerability to spark the volatile meeting of their intensities was even more delicious than the orgasm it catalyzed. As his own release crashed through him, a small part in the back of Sirius’ mind knew this was the beginning of something undeniable... tenacious... _addictive_.

The two leaned there against the door, hot, sticky, panting grateful, satiated breaths. Severus absentmindedly ran his fingers down Sirius’ muscled stomach, only half aware he was smearing spunk across the tantalizing skin. “Your skin, it’s… you feel... ” 

_Breathtaking. _Severus didn’t have the strength to put the proper words together.

Sirius laughed that genuine, crackling mirth and met Severus’ open, glazed eyes with his storm-grey. Severus briefly wondered how a storm could feel so warm. The Marauder smirked, released Severus’ spent cock, and without hesitation sucked the cum from his thumb clean. The Slytherin gripped Sirius’ hip as he let out a slight whimper. 

Sirius peeled away, retrieved his wand from his back pocket, and muttered a well practiced cleaning spell over both of them. Something about the loss of Black’s heat and the too tight feeling the magic left on his skin snapped Severus out of the bubble they had created. The cramped supply closet came into focus, all the clutter and musty dust started to press in on the Slytherin. Beads of sweat on his bare skin seemed to ice as the acute feeling of vulnerable nakedness swept over Severus. The warmth of his arousal that had pooled in his base not moments ago dropped out, now overflowing with panic.

_ Fuck, I be this is the same closet he and that peacocking twat, Greengrass, hooked up in…_

As the Marauder hummed slightly, he zipped his pants and gathered his shirt, while the ramifications of what just happened invaded Severus’ mind with brute force. 

_Sirius hates me, almost as much as I hate goddamn, Potter… Black’s a blood traitor, Salazar, what would Lucius or my fellow Slytherins think…_

Sirius picked up his jacket, pausing slightly as he noticed the deliciously debauched Severus slide to the floor. Only now, he was tense, his fingers on his temples, shaking his head. Just like at the lake a couple weeks ago, Sirius instinctively moved towards him, confusion eroding his post-orgasm bliss.

_Lily would be furious, this is completely fucked up and beyond hypocritical… My mother would be so disappointed and father would kill me… _

“Shit, Black, we can never, _never_ tell anyone about this,” Snape hissed. He looked up at Sirius, all the open vulnerability gone from his deep, dark eyes. They now only held anxiety and shallow regret. 

Black’s laugh was sharp, stopping short at his teeth, “Have I missed something?” His silver-grey eyes were still warm as they zeroed in on his moments-ago lover quickly morphing back into his usual enemy.

“I’m sure you’re about to go have a great laugh with sodding Potter and your other Gryffindor lackies about _this,” _There was no contradicting heat of desire under the ice in Severus’ tone now, “...but I will fucking _end_ you if you breathe a word.” The fear gripping his chest made the threat in his words strike true.

Black’s eyes fell, seemingly nonchalantly observing his right hand before biting off the hangnail on his middle finger. Just like that, the warmth and softness was gone. His eyes flashed cold, steel-grey as he slipped on his leather jacket. 

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist, Snivellus. As if I’d fucking _advertise_ this.”

He strode towards Snape, almost knocking him over as he wrenched open the door, slamming it without a word. Severus let out an uneven breath as he shakely gathered his clothes amongst the brooms and various cleaning supplies in the confined closet. The overwhelming tide of emotions he furiously suppressed cracked a deafening void beneath his sternum. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE FINALLY HAVE CONTACT
> 
> Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! I'm a sucker for character development, so it's gonna be a minute before these two find their way to each other.  
I'll be posting once/twice a week - depending on how that week is going lol  
Cheers!


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